Anonymz Coward

Never Talk, Never Tell

2010-11-15T14:09:00.001-06:00

I spoke briefly over the weekend about some past memories. I hate the memories, that's no secret. But my reaction was unexpected. I began to choke.

Maybe it was a panic attack.

But I couldn't help but remember a few lines from a poem I wrote a while back.......

"never talk and never tell"
there's less pain if you learn it well
these lessons that were forged in hell
you must forget, forget it not"

Do you speak-a my language?

2010-09-04T02:28:00.003-05:00

I've been very moody again and feeling aggitated. Shocking I know.

There is one person that is no longer around and it feels slightly better. I didn't get their game, I've never felt the need to back channel between ministers and pit them against each other. The "Radical" types they openly praised were secretly called new Agers, the Evangelical types they openly praised were secretly referred to as un-biblical with a one track mind, one trick, etc, etc........

And this person really had no side. I had often thought of them as a chameleon. They absorbed whatever was in their surroundings. They were middle aged and married too yet there was these weird "innuendos" and false rumors that went with their game. I used to think perhaps they were Multiples but not so sure now. I feel bad for anyone who gets sucked into playing their game. They have a very destructive nature.

Even if I have problems believing in a philosophy I just take what I like and leave the rest. I prefer giving people the benefit of the doubt, and have even taken up for others when maybe it was not always the wisest thing to do. And it won me no popularity points trust me, not that I care anymore. I'm normally in ignore mode now unless a person is in the face abusive, like the Todd Bentleys out there.

Many times I've wondered why I have this feeling of not belonging. And why I do not understand most Christians. It's like we are from different planets. And this makes me sad.

This Podcast from Zeph Daniel about the differences that separate came at perfect timing. Recently I have said about several people..."we speak the same language" and I had just remarked to someone I see as a friend that 'we do not speak the same language".

Tribalism, clans, gangs, whatever name you want to give it. They are what separates us while on this planet. We each speak our own language. We are all "ONE" as far as having the same Creator, but that is about as far as it goes.

There is no need for me to waste time trying to fit in when it's not possible.

BLURB FROM PODCAST:

Trish had a word from the LORD, and then it coalesced with Rhema--very important even if I do say so myself. Explains why there is strife and MORE IMPORTANTLY, what to do about it... and why we should not lament or blame ourselves when there is no connection with others who say they are just like this or whatever other lame excuse they have for not having the language.

You and I understand one another -- we have the same language... and you've run into others who say they are like you, and there is no language between you. THIS IS THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT.

If you know this, you can avoid the pain and suffering of "trying to connect to something that is not connectable (if you will)" before there is a problem... all we need to know is if they speak the same language--if not, drop it before a problem ensues.

Horror movies

2010-09-02T06:13:00.006-05:00

I am a fan of the horror genre. But there are times that I wish for a happy ending. There were more of those in the older horror films. Sure, a lot of kids died at the hands of Freddy Krueger, but there was always a survivor who beat the odds with a combination of brains, bravery, luck, and at times divine intervention.

Ever see a movie so well produced that you become emotionally invested in a character and root for them? At the end it looks like they have beat evil, then from out of the blue there is a quick one two punch to the solar plexus, and they fall flat on their faces, trapped, or worse yet, taking a dirt nap. You may feel betrayed, even angry. You may find yourself saying...."damn, that was a good movie but the ending sucked", or "Is this it? That's how it ends!!!???" Or so angry that the character died you find yourself wishing for the time back spent viewing the damn film.

Sometimes ife imitates art.

I want the alternate ending.

Goodbye my friends.

WALK

2010-08-28T00:09:00.001-05:00

SAFETY FIRST!
Put on your hard hats before entering the metal zone.........

Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence
One step from lashing out at you...
You want in to get under my skin
And call yourself a friend
I've got more friends like you
What do I do?

Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been
Belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself
Stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time

Respect, walk

Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing you song?
Those same friends tell me your every word

Are you talking to me?
No way punk

(walk on home liars, walk on home...)

Sheila Broughton — Fighting Back

2010-07-27T15:57:00.001-05:00

I normally do not put up interviews but from 2 or 3 sources. But I thought this interview Ms Broughton did with Gilbert's PID radio was interesting and worth a listen.

What others call Gang-Stalking I prefer to call organized stalking. Those who have lived in places like Texas, Chicago, CA, NY, etc....know what real gang stalking is. LOL

I do not think she is a nut job. There are powerful telepathic people out there, not all need equipment either, they are naturals. I also believe some are better at receiving than sending. When something similar happened to me I used what was natural to block, and actually had a very real phone call from an angry guy I met at a function, demanding to know why I did that and how. The thing is I don't know how I do it. It did not feel very good I guess to get the proverbial door slammed on them. But I'm not to be played with like that.

Shelia's experience also reminded me a bit of UFO experiencers, with the virtual surgery aspect.

And reminded a little of a Z podcast when he described a friends experience on the pay phone who had opened up to the other side.

See link for interview: VFTB 049: Sheila Broughton — Fighting Back | P.I.D. Radio

The Zeph Report~ Bedside

2010-07-27T00:28:00.006-05:00

I just finished listening to Z's new podcast. It covers a lot of the questions and thoughts I had as a child about God.

I had flash backs on when I was elementary school age, irritating my Sunday School teachers by asking questions such as:

"If God sees the future and knew what would happen, then why did he create Adam and Eve?"

(a) "He gave us free will. Satan tempted humankind and we chose Satan."

Well, then why did God create Satan if he knew he would fall, lie to Adam and Eve, and send so many to hell?

(a) "Free will, Satan as Lucifer was perfect until the sin of pride was found in him"

Hum, if Lucifer was perfect how did that happen? How did a perfect God create imperfection? Lucifer fell before humans were created right? How did pride get inside him? Did God create it?

(a) "NO!! God did not create evil! Evil is the absence of good! Man loved darkness rather than light because his deeds are evil!"

But I thought God created everything and was all knowing, that He separated the Light from the Darkness, that he created .....

(a) "Why don't you go find your parents..."

"You're too serious, don't you have a Barbie doll somewhere to go play with?"

It does make more sense to me that God purposely made creation flawed. And if he exists outside of time and space then he knew Lucifer and humanity would fall. So it had to be all part of a plan. I myself have wondered if God needs the Darkness and Light to experience all of our emotions. I question many things.

Maybe all the world really is a stage........ And in the end everyone takes off their masks, both good and evil, reflecting on the role they played, doing God's will.
Even when I think of how Judas betrayed Christ, I also think of how I've been told the crucifixion was pre-ordained.   Someone had to betray him, correct? So Judas had a destiny to fill.   And obviously he felt bad about it or he would not have killed himself.    I'm glad I was not predestined for such a horrible part
I wonder a lot about the hell doctrine as well.

A famous theologan once said Satan is doing the will of God. it all makes me wonder.

Yes, from the road and from the sick bed and arising out of the E. coli poisoning and some revelations about life and death through the LORD'S ministering to me. Godspeed!
z

2010-07-26T03:02:00.000-05:00

"Never Walk Alone" Megadeth

2010-07-24T17:46:00.001-05:00

I am seriously depressed, it's hard to pull myself up. Why do I question every single thing? Whats the meaning of life? It's an age old question but it's on top of my list. Right next to "who the hell am I." Seriously, who am I?

This time of the year sucks for me. And stumbled upon more secrets that shook me to the core. That has a double meaning for people like me.

Trying to cheer myself up with a little Metal.

Megadeth has a new outlook on life. But they still rock. As long as they don't start singing those dusty old hymns that make me wish I was already dead, it's all good.

Lyrics are true, sometimes I have felt like I hated God, usually when wallowing in self pity and screaming out...... WHY???!!!

Sometimes I want to come back as a karma fairy and knock a few out with a diamond encrusted wand, good thing God runs the show and not me.

It would be a lie to say I have not been tempted to use what I was programmed for against a few, And a lie to say I haven't. But I try my best not to. I don't always want to pray for my enemies, sometimes I just want to kick their ass and I avoid for their sakes, not mine. Like I said, good thing God is God, and not a certain Anonymz.

Another question, how in the hell did Dave end up with such bad ass hair?

Hiding in any doorway
In any shadow
Any place where danger waits to kill my time
There is one who lies and waits
To seal your fate
As sure as you live and die

Live and die
Live and die

When you feel there's something wrong
I shelter you and keep you warm
I never let you walk alone
I loved you when you still hated me
I'm coming and I won't be long
Time to reap what I have sown
Never ever let you walk alone
I know your enemy once was me

Let me wrap my arms all around you
Suffer the trespasses that you made
I will drink your pain away
Forever and a day
If you just call out my name

If you just call
Out my name

If you just call
Even whisper it

When you feel there's something wrong
I shelter you and keep you warm
I never let you walk alone
I loved you when you still hated me
I'm coming and I won't be long
It's time to reap what I have sown
Never ever let you walk alone
I know your enemy once was me

When you feel there's something wrong
I shelter you and keep you warm
I never let you walk alone
I loved you when you still hated me
I'm coming and I won't be long
It's time to reap what I have sown
Never ever let you walk alone
I know your enemy once was me

When you feel there's something wrong
I shelter you and keep you warm
I never let you walk alone
I loved you when you still hated me
I'm coming and I won't be long
It's time to reap what I have sown
Never ever let you walk alone
I know your enemy once was me

UFO ENCOUNTERS LIVE with guest JIM CHANNON

2010-07-04T17:38:00.000-05:00

FROM RONNIE McMULLEN @ UFO ENCOUNTERS LIVE:

Special Guest Jim Channon was a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army. Most notably he is remembered for creating the First Earth Battalion manual. Many of the ideas contained in this and the outcomes of putting such concepts into practice have been documented by journalist Jon Ronson in his book The Men Who Stare at Goats. What inspired Jim's ideas in the military? What did he train his men to do? This week's show will stretch your mind... don't miss it!

What's in a Name?

2010-07-04T01:39:00.004-05:00

Yeah I know, it's been a while but I had a big shocker and my give a damn has been busted.

I'm staying up to catch Ronnie McMullen's interview with Ret. Lieutenant Colonel Jim Channon on UFO Encounters Live, It should be good.

I've listened to Ronnie before, I like him and understand the terminology he uses.

I decided to get ye olde Blog out too, dust it off, re-vamp, and get it going again. Not sure if I like this look though.

I'm not sure about a lot of things lately.

I'm not even sure what I believe in anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God but I cannot stand religion.

I saw a "what religion are you" quiz on a web site. Since I do not have one I thought to myself, "this may be fun."

After taking the much too long quiz, it came up with Christian Science, that it best suited me. I don't know what that is. lol

I do know that I don't fit in with Christians. When a person tells me they are a Christian I usually want to run screaming. But that is partially due to the childhood abuse. Not all have been sobs.

I keep telling myself, "it's just a word." I'm more interested in the ingredients than I am in labels.

Do I need a label? Probably not.

I'm just about ready to throw it all out.

Isn't there ANYONE who knows what Christmas is all about!!!???

2009-12-24T02:05:00.004-06:00

Linus knows!!!

Strange how you hear the same story year after year, and then one day it clicks.   I didn't realize that there was something that had not "clicked" yet.

People are having a harder time feeling the Christmas Spirit this year. And I noticed the war against it is gathering steam. Lots of weirdness going on.

I never really thought about the birth of Christ as God's first entrance into the world as man, as God wrapped in human flesh. When thinking about Christmas only thoughts of the Christ Child entered my mind.

I really do not know how to describe the emotions this moment of knowing has created.    At Christmas we hear about all the prophecies his birth fulfilled, But if one is not familiar with them, it does not sink in.

I wonder why it is different this year for me?

Here is the full episode:

Luke 2:9-14

9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Lifechurch - O Come O Come Emanuel

2009-12-12T15:56:00.004-06:00

In the Spirit of Christmas!

I love this song, and the drum part ROCKS!!!!

THE FOURTH KIND

2009-12-11T13:30:00.018-06:00

I finally saw The Fourth Kind. And I know what some are thinking, so let me say first that the night terrors and strange marks I previously posted about have been occurring for years. This year it has increased in frequency. And I was not always sleeping either. As a child when I had what some have termed "visitations", everyone was asleep in the house except for me. No matter how hard I tried they simply would not, or could not, wake up.

I found this movie very interesting and want to point out a few things. But first, here is a little clip for those who have not seen the film.

YouTube Video Resizer MySpace Layouts MySpace Codes MySpace Backgrounds

Before you laugh know that the CIA and the Airforce have their own studies. Also check out this video on real UFO sightings. UFO's

Take note of the name Captain Kenju Terauchi, a seasoned pilot and witness to one of the most famous UFO encounters. He was piloting a Boeing 747 cargo plane over Anchorage on the night of November 17, 1986 when it occurred. It was witnessed by many and caught on radar by not only JAL flight 1628, but also by the Airforce and Confirmed by the FAA Division Chief. The 2 objects dwarfed the 747 cargo plane. For more info see:

For more information see the following link to an interview with former Apollo astronaut Edgar Mitchell: LINK

Mitchell caused a media flurry when he spoke publicly on the subject of UFO's, Aliens, and a meeting with the Pentagon. Edgar Mitchell has also worked with the Disclosure Project.

Now to the movie The Fourth Kind. This is not your average We are your friendly Space Brothers film.

DANGER, DANGER, SPOILER ALERT!!!

Still reading? Just remember, you were warned. :)

Previously Abigail discovered while looking through her "murdered" late husband's research notes that he had an interest in the Sumerian language, and the name and number of an expert in that field, Dr. Awolowa Odusami. She contacts him and it's confirmed that he had spoken with her husband. She tells him about a tape of one of their hypnosis sessions and a strange voice captured on it. He concludes that the language is Sumerian and recognizes a few words, such as "destroy". NOT a good sign! lol

Towards the end of the movie Dr. Abigail Tyler is faced with the reality of her husbands death and their young daughters subsequent disappearance when former colleague psychoanalyst Dr Campos along with author and linguistic expert Dr. Awolowa Odusami place her under hypnosis for clues as to what really happened.

And what happens as a result is quite disturbing. She pulls a Linda Blair and appears to levitate, her body twisting and contorting, mouth opening wide in a way that seems humanly impossible. The two men are shocked and pull her out of the trance.

We are shown a portion of what occurred, the camera briefly closes in on the alarm clock, it reads 3:33 am. Some know the significance of 3am. We watch a terrorized Abigail asking what has just entered her room and pleading for her little daughter, demanding her return The thing in her room does not care.

We then see Abigail crying, begging, pleading, "Oooooh God!!!..."

Another voice speaks through her, an ancient masculine voice filled with contempt and spoke these chilling words......"I am Anu....I AM...........God."

Hummm, can you say Zacharia Sitchen? Now say it really fast 12 times in a row. J/K!

This movie had shades of Sitchen, the Zeitgeist movie, David Icke, and Erik von Daniken all over it.

Still fascinating. And none of the God is an Alien, We are starseed, or We are just an experiment theories were rammed down the viewers throat, the average person probably would not have caught the subtle hints. All assumptions are left up to the viewer. No matter how one of the last lines of the movie was intended to be taken, there was truth in it.

The Interviewer asked for Dr Tyler's thoughts regarding the voice that channeled through her and the audio that was captured where it claimed to be God. Her response was that it was empty, there was a feeling of no hope. God is Love, she said. She stated that it cannot be God because there was no hope:

"I believe the things I've seen, the presence I've felt inside of me is beyond anything you can imagine, it was hopelessness so it cannot be God but it can pretend to be."

Yep, anything that feeds on fear, steals from what is already created, and transmutes it, is not God.

To borrow a quote from the highly popular show Fringe, "There is more than one of everything". That thought came to mind after watching The Fourth Kind and reading reviews. In the movie the subjects all reported while in session or when under hypnosis, seeing an owl outside their window right before their abduction experiences.

"There is an owl at my window. A white owl. It was just looking at me for hours. No matter what I did, it wouldn't fly away. It wasn't scared of me."

"There's something outside my door. It's gonna open it! The door's opening! Oh my God! Oh my God!! No! Noooo!"

"It's unbelievable, it doesn't make any sense. I saw them. They're not from here! They control what I see in my own mind. All I can see is an owl but I know it's not an owl. I remember that they smell like a putrid cinnamon. The worse part was the voice inside my head. They talk to you so you can hear them but they also talk inside your mind. Then they took me away to someplace I can't remember and they did things to me that I can't remember."

There have been several explanations given for this such as screen memories, a trick of the mind when looking looking into an alien gray's eyes, etc....

Words and symbols have a magic all their own. They are multi-layered, each having more than one meaning.

You can't add a dash of ancient Sumer, ye olde gods, and dead languages in a movie plot and not be expected to pull from Mesopotamian culture.

So I draw from the past, from ancient Sumer.

In Sumerian clay tablets many creatures are depicted and mentioned. Some have wings and the feet of an owl. I do not mean Lilith, though in the Hebrew OT she is a demoness associated with the owl.

Isaiah 34:14f

Wildcats shall meet with hyenas,
goat-demons shall call to each other;
there too Lilith shall repose,
and find a place to rest.
There shall the owl nest
and lay and hatch and brood in its shadow

The majority of the following descriptions of malevolent spirits were taken from cuneiform texts in the British Museum. You may find more on the subject in the book, The Treasures of Darkness: A History of Mesopotamian Religion, by Thorkild Jacobsen.

They are gloomy, their shadow dark, no light is in their bodies,
ever they slink along covertly, walk not upright,
from their claws drips bitter gall, their footprints are (full of) evil venom....

Neither males are they, nor females,
they are winds ever sweeping along,
they have not wives, engender not children,
know not how to show mercy,
hear not prayer and supplication....

The shivers and chills (of death) that fritter the sum of things, spawn of the god of heaven, spawned on an evil spirit,
the death warrants, beloved sons of the storm god, born of the queen of the netherworld,
who were torn out of heaven and hurled from the earth as castoffs, are creatures of hell, all.

Up above they roar, down below they cheep,
they are the bitter venom of the gods,
they are the great storms let loose from heaven,
they are the owl (of ill omen) that hoots in the town,
spawn spawned by the god of heaven, sons born by earth are they.

Over high roofs, over broad roofs like a floodwave they surge,
from house to house they climb over,
Doors do not hold them, locks do not restrain them.....
through the doors they glide like snakes,
through the hinge boxes they blow like wind.

From the man's embrace they lead off the wife,
from the man's knee they make the child get up,
and the youth they fetch out of the house of his in-laws,
they are the numbness, the daze, that tread on the heels of man.

There are many theories out on aliens, who knows, maybe some are humans who have time traveled back to the past.

As previously mentioned the voice that spoke through Abigail claimed to be God, claimed to be Anu. Now Anu was an ancient Sumerian sky-god, the chief god, a ruler of high places and over spirits and demons. Anu was also considered to be the father of the Anunnaki. They were "Those who from Heaven to Earth came." On a side note the Anakites (Hebrew Anakim) of the bible were also considered sons of Anak. Some believe they are descendants of the Nephilim. Others believe it is a name for the Watchers. They would have been those who came from the sky.

Many legends and myths have a grain of truth in them. Remember the Scorpion King? A fun movie, but I am partial to muscular handsome men. LOL But back in 2002, in what is now Iraq, a carving was found of what may well be the Scorpion King. See this article from the New York Times: Carving of a King Could Rewrite History

And there have been some interesting finds associated with the oldest story ever recorded in history, the Sumerian Epic of Gilgamesh. He was described as two parts god, one part man.

Truthfully I'm not that into the Christian UFO conspiracy groups, and I will never buy my new age friends theory, that the friendly aliens are preparing us for the next step in human evolution and want what is best for mankind.

However these dark Sumerian descriptions are what people like Russ Dizdar speak about, hybrids, inter-dimensional entities, demons, nephilim, etc.........

"they are the numbness, the daze, that tread on the heels of man"

"(They) know not how to show mercy,
hear not prayer and supplication...."

"Doors do not hold them, locks do not restrain them...""

It makes ones think. I've had enough experiences that I don't want it or go looking for it. The bad thing is, I don't have to look for it.

I do believe there has been a transmutation, and there are hybrids. Zeph has put out a few thought provoking podcast on this subject.

Well, I enjoyed the "The Fourth Kind" and did not consider it time wasted as l did with the movie "Paranormal Activity." I hated that one and wanted my time back!!

One thing concerns me about this movie is that it did a disservice to the victims in the Alaskan town of Nome. They are very real and there is a problem. In fact in Alaska if you compare ratio to population, the stats of missing persons to all other states, they have twice the amount. That town is also part of a huge area in Alaska known as "The Bermuda Triangle".

Though I do believe in the supernatural world I also believe there are human monsters. I'll never forget how I felt when the body of my little brother was found. It is still a cold case. I remember how the news kept playing images of the body bag. I wanted to scream out: He was my brother, he had a name! He was not just a statistic!

Hopefully others who go see this movie will search for facts on the real victims, and in a way maybe it will draw attention to it. From what I have found it seems to me they have a serial killer, probably more than one working together.........undergrounders. I also wonder how many cases that may have been foul play were improperly handled and brushed off a suicide or accident because of a stereotype.

I am saving that for the next post.

Night Terrors

2009-12-09T00:08:00.008-06:00

Nightmares.......for once I wish for total recall. This thing that I cannot remember seems so very real, in fact it is too real.

By the marks it leaves for my waking time.........it mocks me. It takes a while to recover, very draining and it causes severe migraines.

I forgot to make a notation for Oktober. Temporarily pinpointed every 6 to 8 weeks. What is happening between this 6th and 8th week?

Desperately needing answers, medical tests have shed no light. This is getting frustrating.

I know I'm not the only one whose nightmares slip between the worlds leaving an imprint. If anyone is wondering, the prints are too big to be mine, there's no match. It is very hard to take a pic of the back of your own head, I'm not sure what the tiny marks are. As far as I can tell they begin at the base of the skull to the cervical spine. Even if the cause is not found in the natural world I must know......WHY? TBH I have my suspicions but cannot confirm it yet. I do want the nightmare to stop.

I feel so alone right now.

Listened to Z's new podcast. One day we will be awakened and remember who we are and our purpose for being here. I also agree that it is in the DNA. There is The Black Awakening for that side, and there is an opposite to it, an awakening of the children of Light, the real Light.

ETA: Just thought of this, there is a possibility that it is a body memory. In some of my nightmares I am being choked.

2009-12-01T13:11:00.001-06:00

marionette...

Razorblades

2009-12-01T09:08:00.001-06:00

................
In a way, I failed religion
I spit the wine from mouth to cup
And I reached for something more than just your God
Uncle, you spared not your children
And while your praying hands are up
There's no forgiveness for you! You sick fuck!

It is you that I remember in their bedroom
It is you that took their first away from them
It is you they set their standards to
You wounded them for life
You were a preacher and suppose to be above men

A brief bout with a razorblade cut me
I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me
In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done

No accountability, No forgiveness.

Baptise My Heart~ Misty Edwards

2009-11-21T15:25:00.003-06:00

Feeling strange. I am in a contemplative mood today, thinking about spirituality and taking a look at a few things in my life.

I do not have some fear based belief in a Pre-Trib Rapture. And no hating on me for that, I will not waste my time debating that issue. I've seen those movies where people are left behind and had friends beg me to read the series of books as well. I was not impressed so glad they do not know about this Blog! I do not like hurting peoples feelings and they meant well.

But that does not mean that I can be careless either. When it is all over, said and done....I do not want to find out that I have offended God. I do not want to find out I have been working against God.

I have to question everything, look close within to see what is really there, then deal with it now, not later.

I like Misty Edwards Music even if I don't like church. The spirit behind her words pierces me.

There's only one safe place,
In the center of the flame...

I don't want to be offended,
I don't want to be offended
I don't want to be offended
When it's all coming down

I wanna be for You
Not against You
I wanna be with You where You are.....

I pledge my allegiance to Jesus, to Jesus
I pledge my allegiance to the Lamb......

I wanna be where You are
-the only safe place-

Baptize my heart with Your fire,
Your Desire.....

2009-11-17T20:05:00.001-06:00

Dance for us Marionette
Now 13 pull the strings
Shadows dance in silhouette
reminders of important things

saying "never talk and never tell"
there's less pain if you learn it well.......

Somethings never change...

No matter what I do say, I'll always be "THAT MULTIPLE" who should have kept her mouth shut.

Wasn't going to talk about frog boy either, but what difference does it make?

I need to lay down first before I write again. My head hurts bad.

HATE THIS PLAIN BLOG!!

2009-11-11T15:30:00.003-06:00

My other was somehow bugged, had to ditch real quick. I will make it all snazzy later for the holidays. I HATE pre-made blogskins, they have zero personality.

Threw another photo up, at least I do not have to look at the plain Jane thing. Meh, still have to work with it.

William H. Kennedy on the Zeph Report

2009-10-30T14:13:00.004-05:00

Just in time for Halloween, Zeph Daniel interviews writer, speaker, and occult expert William H. Kennedy.

Zeph has mentioned Kennedy's book Satanic Crime: A Threat in the New Millennium on quite a few occasions recently. Many who deal with ritual abuse and satanic crime are familiar with that book. Russ Dizdar frequently mentions his works as well.

I like Kennedy, I have heard him on other shows and he is not afraid to interview people other Christians will not touch because they are not "christian" enough. Of course he may not agree with them, but at least he shows them some respect. Wasn't it Jesus who said Come let us reason together?

I can tell we are not from the same generation. When the word Manson is mentioned I keep telling myself "Charles" NOT "Marilyn" . hahahaha!

And before anyone gets all bent out of shape I am fully aware of the difference between a Wiccan, Pagan, Satanist, and a Luciferian. They do not share the same beliefs.

LINK TO SHOW: SATANIC CRIMES, ELITES, AND OTHERS.....

Well, think about this interview next time you watch television, and KNOW what people must do to be "in"... now they are going for the push--definite ties between the leftist-Marxist push for global order and Satanism in Hollywood/Washington, involving murder, pedophilia and crimes of the most unthinkable sort.

How do we as a society tolerate these criminals, why are they above the law?

MANY RESOURCES HERE:

WILLIAMHKENNEDY.COM

Arm yourselves, survivors of satanic ritual abuse are widespread and many silenced by those around them.

2009-10-30T02:08:00.002-05:00

Libraries can be cool in Ocktober....

Rescue Me

2009-10-20T03:22:00.004-05:00

Each step I take from You I see
who I really am
I know the good in me is only
Your reflection
I look behind me and I see You
no where in sight
I look down, my hands are bound
I can't even praise You and
I'm crying out to You

So come and rescue me
I'm here on bended knee
And I'm crying out to You
All I really, really want is to be free
So take my hand here I am
Oh come and free me
Take my hand here I am
Oh come and rescue me

I've drifted so far
Can't even see the shore
I've been lost in the waves
But haven't been fighting
I'm sinking fast
Oh is there an end to this
I can't breathe I'm in too deep
But You can save me
I'm crying out to You

I'm drowning in my decisions
And I'm frustrated and I'm
disappointed
It's my world You see and I want out

So come and rescue me
I'm here on bended knee
And I'm crying out to You
All I really, really want is to be free
So take my hand here I am
Oh come and free me
So take my hand here I am
Oh come and rescue me

So come and rescue me
I'm here on bended knee
And I'm crying, I'm crying

I'm crying out to You
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying out to You

Oh come and rescue me

Nothing Else Matters

2009-10-18T17:23:00.005-05:00

I'm really depressed, cried like a freaking wimp, in fact cried myself to sleep last night. Just got up a few hours ago. I did not see the point. A shocker right? *insert sarcasm* Have a B-day and Halloween coming up but not sure if that is what is bothering me. Kind of feel like everything is pointless, there is no movement forward.

Well, actually sometimes I read through my old posts and I do not always recognize myself. Which is a little weird. But maybe a good weird?

I have not been posting as often because I worry about posting on certain subject matter. Like the mill lab dreams. They feel too real. One women in a coat laughed at me and said, "you won't remember a thing". I made a point in my dream to remember because she pissed me off. I wanted to bitch slap that smirk right off her face.

And the dreams of the dead and what I see. I worry they are real as well. There is one dream I had several months back that has been bugging me 24/7. The death of a frog boy. I wish I knew his name, I just call him frog boy because of his limbs. It was bizarre, I have never seen a person like that before. But one thing for sure, he deserved to be treated as a human being.

I heard this twice, "He did not die on his side, he died face down". I saw what he saw near the end. If it had happened in my state I would probably go looking for him. I believe he was moved around a few times. The terrain wasn't native to my state. There were caves and secluded wooded areas around.

This hesitation to post stems from my dread of being seen as evil, it is REALLY depressing as well. I have tried and tried to control what I see. It's a lot like the spirit travel....spontaneous.

Oh why not, I'll post about him later.

My life feels like, well...like this Metallica song.

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters......

Imaginary....

2009-10-17T19:11:00.003-05:00

I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops, as they’re falling,
tell a story

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape...

This Swine Flu HYSTERIA has gone a little too far........

2009-09-20T12:05:00.002-05:00

Major General Stubblebine Interview

2009-09-15T07:40:00.008-05:00

On September 5th the show UFO Encounters Live had Major General Stubblebine on as guest. It was fascinating. I downloaded the interview for future reference.

Most who read the genre of Blog such as mine are already familiar with General Stubblebine. His name has been coming up more lately with the new movie "The Men Who Stare at Goats" starring George Clooney on the horizon. The subject is being portrayed as a satirical comedy on the big screen. On a side note, Psi powers are very real and have been weaponized.

I am glad I heard the entire interview. It reminded me that not all who go into this ever dreamed it could be used against American citizens. Not all go in with evil intentions. He comes across as a nice guy. Lynn Buchanan is another one. He was a Methodist minister in the past and a nice person who got blasted by a pastor and his deacons for being sensitive as a child. I cannot see Jesus ever bringing along a few of his disciples, attacking a kid after school, holding his head down to the concrete and screaming for demons to be gone. That is what happened to him. I know the feeling, trust me...I know.

Retired General Stubblebine of First Earth Battalion fame was also a staunch supporter of Operation StarGate. Of course this is old news but what I found fascinating and very informative was his information on the Swine Flu Vaccine.

He and his wife live in Panama, which I believe is probably a lot safer for him. Sometimes when high profile people go against the gods of big Pharm, nasty things happen to them. BTW, the word Pharmacy comes from the Greek word pharmakeia, the same word used in the Bible for sorcery.

General Stubblebine brought out some informative points. I have always firmly believed the Swine Flu virus was man made, engineered as a bio weapon. But I had forgotten about the drug co Baxter. However what I did not know is that squaline had been linked to so many autoimmune diseases.

And what foresight did Baxter have to be preemptive enough to patent a vaccine TWO YEARS AGO for the swine flu? And WHY do they still have a contract with W.H.O. to produce a pandemic vaccine after Baxter knowingly allowed people to be injected with their HIV contaminated vaccine in the past? And that is not the first either.

People who develop autoimmune diseases will have the same problem as the earlier victims infected with HIV who had passed the statute of limitations. Here is an article showing a timeline, brief history, and the allegations in the hemophilia litigation: SOURCE

What gets to me is there are people who were infected with HIV only getting maybe 35 dollars a month. Many of the victims were children.

Earlier this year the same company released the vaccine contaminated with the H5N1 bird flu virus. Researchers in the Czech Republic caught it just in time.

Novartis is the other company who has a contract with WHO, they are progressing faster than Baxter in producing the vaccine. However their vaccine contains the adjuvant squaline.

What I did was link some information at the bottom of this post that corresponds with the interview.

INTERVIEW: FREE DOWNLOAD

A blurb from UFO Encounters Live:

QUOTE:

Major General Albert N. Stubblebine III was the commanding general of the United States Army Intelligence and Security Command from 1981 to 1984, when he retired from the Army. He is known for his interest in parapsychology and was a supporter of the Stargate Project.

Stubblebine appeared in the 2006 documentary "One Nation Under Siege" where he states that a Boeing 757 airplane could not have crashed into The Pentagon on September 11, 2001.

He features prominently in Jon Ronson's book The Men Who Stare at Goats where he is described as attempting to walk through walls - "General Stubblebine passionately believes the First Earth Battalion doctrine that every human being alive was capable of performing supernatural miracles...".Stubblebine and his wife, psychiatrist Rima E. Laibow, M.D., founded the Natural Solutions Foundation (NSF), "a non-profit corporation devoted to protecting and promoting health freedom". They expose dangerous prescription drugs and vaccines etc. promoted by large pharmaceutical companies, along with food contaminated by drugs.

LINKS TO CORRESPONDING ARTICLES:

Swine flu test results are unreliable, WHO warns

I linked the last source to show that even W.H.O. admits the test is not reliable. The number of deaths associated with the virus has been greatly reduced. One reason is the false positive.

Here is an interesting article from the United Kingdom: SOURCE

Last year in Poland a group of homeless people were given an anti bird-flu drug as part of a trial study that they had no idea they were a part of. They thought it was the seasonal flu vaccine. The study ended in death for quite a few of them.

It is not the first time for Poland either. Seems like the whole world is embracing a culture of Death.

QUOTE:

The news of the investigation will come as another blow to the reputation of Poland's beleaguered and poverty-stricken national health service. In 2002, a number of ambulance medics were found guilty of killing their patients for commissions from funeral companies.

Here is Zeph Daniel's song about the flu virus called "DIE ON CUE MAN."

Occult Crime and Possession

2009-09-13T18:51:00.005-05:00

The topic on tonight's PREEMPTION BROADCAST with Russ Dizdar will be on Occult Crime and Demonic possession. I have not listened as often as I once did, but this is one I want to catch. LINK

It is a topic of interest. A relative of mine was murdered a long time ago and I hope it is solved one day. But I know we may never have the answers we want and need.

I do not see myself in the chat rooms tonight, don't feel like interacting right now.

Looks like Russ will touch on the ritual like murder of 61 year old Pastor Carol Daniels. She was found in her church in a grisly scene, her nude body staged to appear as if crucified. I feel so bad for her family and friends. She was a mother of five.

The killer or killer's took her clothing from the Church, her left breast was mutilated, her head almost severed from deep wounds to either side of her neck, she suffered multiple cuts, and her hair was burned or singed off. A smart killer would take her clothing, since she fought back it more than likely has their DNA mixed on it as well. It could also be a trophy, they may believe it is "charged" since the power is in the blood, or it could be some sort of proof they needed. I hope she scratched them up good.

ARTICLE: LINK

If there were no signs of forced entry I bet she knew the person. They could also be a multiple. Obviously they are not normal. Even a blind person could see that. There is a difference between abnormal and crazy though.

She seemed like the friendly type, even the billboard mentions love. She may have trusted them.

I'm sure the Authorities are doing all they can to find who is responsible and interviewing all her contacts.

She died of sharp force trauma. If it was a certain ritual then some cuts would have been superficial up to that point. Not as many would have been post-mortem as suggested. The focus is to create as much fear and pain as they can to raise the "Powers".

Some are mentioning the hair, thinking perhaps a jealous woman committed this savage act. They need to think outside the box. They have to look at it from a non secular viewpoint. A ritual killing is religious, a perversion of the real thing .

There are so many ways this could spin out, If it was not an occult crime but made to appear that way, they still twisted it all around. I doubt they watched the Da Vinci Code one time too many.

Pastor Carol had nice well kept hair, I wonder if she ever joked about a woman's hair being her Crowning Glory. It is also considered in some religions to be a woman's covering and a shame to have short hair.

After death her bloody clothes were removed from the area, and they took her other form of Covering away. She may have died without her hair, her Crowning Glory, but she has one now that no one can take from her.

I can already hear the skeptics but it does not matter if you or I believe in ritual killings or not. THEY believe in them. Your version of reality has no affect on theirs.

I remember the Ritual cult crime murder of pre-med student Mark Kilroy, while vacationing in Matamoros Mexico. Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo was the serial killer, Constanzo was at one time an alter boy.

I had blogged about those killings after going to see the movie BORDERLAND. A few minutes into it I realized it was based on the true story, which was much more horrific than what was shown onscreen. That case was all over the news.

His follower/girlfriend was a bright student who attended college in Brownsville at one time I believe. Her name was Sara Aldrete. She was acquitted of some of the charges, but spent quite a few years in prison. It was observed that she has many personalities. You just never know about these things.

Ritual killings do not exist you say? Tell that to Mark's parents and to the authorities in Matamoros.

So what.....

2009-09-13T18:07:00.005-05:00

I am depressed right now. I spilled a little about my past today and I am left with, well..... with more questions and a profound sense of loss and sadness. Sadness over a stolen childhood, wondering what I could have become, what could have been, and wondering what the future holds for me.

I wonder, does anything ever really change? Does it even matter? Most do not want to hear about these things, or they themselves are behind the mask. Some are too frightened to listen. If they do not see it, it is not there. And then we have a little thing called apathy.

I keep hearing stories of total healing, but you know what? I talked to some "healed" multiples and I am beginning to believe there is no such thing. I've yet to meet one. One is still being punished, they believe that is why they are in a wheelchair. Does that not mean then, that someone else is still in control?

Maybe it is not meant to be. They couldn't put Humpty back together again. Could be that Alice is still trapped in that mirror world she found through the looking glass, Sleeping Beauty is still sleeping, and Cinderella is scrubbing floors for free. Except now she walks with a limp, that damn glass slipper cut her foot up pretty bad.

I don't really want to believe it is all fairy tales though.

I can tell I am going to be fun later.

A little STOMP for Betty.....

2009-09-11T09:13:00.002-05:00

They are so freaking cute!

Major scare

2009-09-10T22:47:00.003-05:00

Had a horrible scare late in the day. One that a parents worst nightmares are made of.

Prayers were sent out and the situation was worked out. Thank God.

I tried to sleep earlier. I guess I am still too wound up. My head hurts and my nerves are shot.

I am just Very thankful everyone is still here.

Thank you God.

Looking at this post....I hate the graphic above it now.

2009-09-07T21:34:00.003-05:00

I am getting really restless, kind of antsy right now. I hate this feeling.

Images of the mirror world keep popping in my head.

Alice is all grown up now.

Blast From the Past

2009-09-07T17:50:00.003-05:00

I received a phone call yesterday that shocked me. It came from someone I had not heard from in a long time and had lost contact with. Said person knew me as a young child.

One of the first questions out of their mouth was..."I want to know, do you still have the spirits hanging around you?"

That was an odd question IMO, from someone older who has not seen me in forever.

They seemed to be more focused on the spirit that appeared as a little boy.

I responded. Then they proceeded to ask me more questions about my childhood. I almost felt as if they knew the answers to the questions but wanted to see how much I remembered. Like a test.

Then I discovered a few things I did not know about the 100 yr + or more old house, the same one where the Shining ones made their nocturnal visits. Most of you know who I am talking about. If not, the Shining Ones was a name I gave them, they were shiny people through the eyes of a child. Not the ugly grays people talk about. They were very tall, blond, and pale. They moved through the dimensions. They did not have to open their mouths to speak.

I also have a feeling if they ever tried to tan they would be about as successful as I am. haha

My great grandfather lived there before, many years ago. And a parent of mine also lived there for a while as a child, long before I was born. My parents never told me that. Then the strange part. The caller began to tell me about the nightmares of the people had who had lived there. It seems we had something in common. I had those very same dreams.

They also dreamed about things in the sky, and the shining ones. I actually saw them, did not just dream about them. They are the same ones who took me out of my crib according to others, when I was an infant. I remember being an infant, people say it is not possible, but they are wrong. I remember.

When they came to see me as a child, no one in the house would wake up. I would scramble to get them, they were in a dead sleep. No one budged, even if I shook them or yelled in their ear. I mentioned that to the caller. They already knew and had spoken to family members before. My family had said that they were paralyzed when they sensed something coming, and then a deep sleep would fall upon them. Looks like I was the only one left conscious.

Now a few things make more sense. I understand these things follow bloodlines just like the projects. And people such as Russ Dizdar have said before......They see it as giving them legal rights. The Shining Ones had their own name for me, the Shining Ones must have thought they had a right to me. My ancestors thought we had their DNA in our blood. it is all very strange. Are they the same ones that the Mighty Men of Old came from?

This has also caused me to wonder....I discovered another great grandfather, he had the same last name as the owner of that house. It is a very old name.

No one ever said we were related. I even followed the owner around sometimes, he let me help him, or gave me things to do so I would think I was a good helper. I bored easily and tended to stay in my own little world. LOL

He never mentioned our being blood related either. Why all the secrecy in that family?

Can You Feel it?

2009-09-02T02:45:00.006-05:00

I am having a hard time right now. I have recovered from a few weeks ago. But just in the last few days I have felt something major going on in the air. I found this picture and it was just how I saw things. as a manipulation. A calling and a gathering.

Whatever is here attached to the woods is acting up as well. I have searched there before and found where some kids were playing with things they do not understand and animal bones. I felt it in my home today and it is angry. When I went into the garage I saw it forming and asked it to leave, it responded by punching me in the back before it left. I did not like what it said either. Next time I am not asking it to leave, I am demanding. And I will pray before demanding, not after. I REFUSE to feed it with fear.

It was a little freaky, I tried to email someone about it, wanted to ask a few for prayer and all things positive. My gmail stopped working. Cant find anything wrong with it though, and the blogger works fine.
Then another thing happened tonight. Somehow a razor blade wound up in a pocket of a shower caddy. I've never put one there before. I reached for the shower gel and when I pulled my hand back the blade was still stuck inside it. I may have to go tomorrow for a few stitches. It finally clotted after I super glued it. Super glue is amazing for emergencies. You would not believe all the blood, everything I wrapped it in was soaked. It's hurting like hell right now. I am typing with only one finger because of this. I feel like it was punishment, that some would prefer me to be isolated now.

Reminded me of a story Russ Dizdar always tells when he talks about Dancing on Razor Blades. A friend of his was in the shower and felt something weird with his foot. He moved his foot around it, looked down to see a lot of blood and a razor blade. he did not realize what it was until too late. Now I hate that freaking story even more.

I lost a little time too. I feel like I need a few more guardian angels.

A friend posted these words from Red Elk about Angels. Thinking out loud....I wonder if he knows what it means to be born between the worlds? Is it the same?

Anyway, here it is and I am leaving it unedited. He has his own unique style, would be wrong to change it.

I need some of those angelic helpers. Just have to make sure and test the spirits, don't want the wrong angels.

RED ELK SAID:

Friends;

It ACTUALY A M A Z E S ANGLES that we DON'T PRECEIVE the GIFT WE HUMANS R GIVEN by L I F E !

Our GIFTED EXISTENCE!

Born Knowing ALL...Born as gODS....n oblivious to it.

TRADEING that "GIVEN WITH" GODlyness for the WORLDS' "DARK" WAYS.

Able to Do ANYTHING but BE GOD...n walking AWAY from it ALL!

What "stupidity". Tradeing for "sin".

Here we r "ENVYED by The ANGLES".....UNICKS who r at OUR Beck n Call. Given to SERVE us, at our REQUESTS....and MORE THEN WILLING TO!

We r in CONTROLL of THEM. WE r THIER "Charge". Created to serve YOU / US....n we ignore this "rememberence".

I have read blogs that have said: "I wish he'd get OUT of his "ANGLE Thing".

I tell u true; I wish THEY'D get INTO IT!

THESE BEINGS r REAL, friends. ABSALUTLY REAL!

gasp that!

Grasp ALLSO that there r TWO TYPS: GOOD and UNGODLY!

1/3ed left with the ANGLE known as Lucifere.

WICH r YOU "Useing"?

The "odds" r TWO TO ONE in the Spirit(ul) world. 2 of GODS' to ONE of LUCIFERS'. To top THAT off...GOD MADE LUCIFER. n here hE is, TRYING to OVERTHROW his MAKER! (Talk about Arragence........... Sheeeehh).

"hE Comes As a ROAREING LION". a Real "sore loser".

AND hE HAS US CONNED!

YOU!!!

US!!!

WHY?

Wake up, folks.

USE THE ANGLES...but ,as GODS' CHILDREN ; USE the RIGHT Angles.

We r in a FIGHT! A Fight GOD is going to WIN....DONT BE COUGHT ON THE WRONG SIDE.

We r in a Fight...RIGHT NOW! The BIGGEST FIGHT THIS WORLD HAS E V E R SEEN!

let's let US WIN !
HO!

Broken and Bruised

2009-07-15T17:33:00.002-05:00

Broken And Bruised

I see by your arms you've struggled
To handle pain and love's misfortunes
The lines on your face
betray your years
Like disused tracks that trains don't run on
Youre lifes been a journey
Full of disappointments
Broken and bruised
Forgotten and used.

There is hope, please don't give up
I'm here to help you through
I know it's hard for you to trust
I'll do my best to comfort you.

I see in your eyes such sadness
It pains my heart to feel you grieving
But whenever you smile
I'm filled with hope
I know there's something , you believe in

I know you're scarred
I know you find it hard to trust me
You're broken and bruised
'been forgotten and used.

One of those moods again.........

2009-07-15T15:39:00.006-05:00

God, why this cycle again? All questions, no answers.

Who am I? How will I ever tell who the real me is? AND WHY????

Does it even effing matter?

What if you die only to find out, nothing really mattered. That it was just a test.

Why can't the test just be finished?

I feel like a misfit. Maybe my title meant that I would not fit in either world.

Last night while looking up at the sky I wondered......How many really do mistake the moon for the finger pointing at it?

Was listening to an Edwards song last night. So tired and I posted something there. Today I panicked and deleted my comment.

Now I find myself suddenly struck with the memory of....Never talk, never tell.......

I feel something and it is speaking...but I cannot, or do not, understand it.

Hotter than Hades

2009-07-09T09:30:00.004-05:00

Forecast today, hotter than a w.........ooops, that one is not very ladylike, But you get the picture.

I HATE triple digits! It makes me quite eeeeeeevil.

I am sick of this Blog look as well. But have not discovered what moves me yet.

Tech glitches occurring as well. This is getting annoying but I suppose I can't complain. It has been a while since all my email accounts have refused to behave.

I am only getting spam in my main account. I do not possess the necessary equipment to be lured by Viagra ads. No real messages at all for a few days. Just weird.

It makes me feel isolated. Which in turn makes me eye my poem suspiciously.

Brave Lion and Lioness of Persia

2009-06-26T17:54:00.021-05:00

A more serious video, for serious times.

Last week there was talk of making "special courts" to deal with the protesters. During this Fridays prayers there was a call to deal with protesters “ruthlessly and savagely” and without any show of mercy for their "war against God

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, (NOT to be confused with former President Mohammad Khatami) said during prayers that judges should charge the “rioters” as mohareb (those who wage war against God). “Based on Islamic law, whoever confronts the Islamic state ...........should be convicted as mohareb . . . They should be punished ruthlessly and savagely".

They are trying to "Flip the script", turn this into a Great Satan versus Islam type of thing. While true that America is guilty of many things, we never turned weapons on protesters. Their clerics gave the go ahead to attack their own people by the words spoken during the sermon from a week ago Friday.

Accusation fly of a "Meddling" UK and USA. A weak argument. Even little children when in trouble will often point the finger and say...."They did it first" or, "It's their fault, look what they did!".

Evil is evil no matter who does it or on what side they're on. Ones evil does not suddenly make the evil of another any less than, or more than, it is.

Neither is this a war against Islam. Most are faithful Muslims though there is a large population of Iranian Jews and Christians who have lived there for centuries. Persia has a vast rich cultural history, one they should be proud of. But now.....what is happening now will be a blot on the pages of history and a stain on mankind.

The cries the world heard of "Allah O Akbar!" shouted from rooftops and the street, were cries to God and also a very telling statement to the corrupt leaders. NO MORE do they believe it is God's will that those in power lead them.

It was a war against fraud at first, a protest over rigged elections. It is much more serious now. A war has been waged against humanity. Like many others throughout the worlds history since civilization began, they have tarnished their religion. As the old saying goes......"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Thinking to myself......"Who will protect the Supreme Leader, the Guardian council, and the Assembly of Experts against the wrath of God?"

Stay strong Children of Cyrus........

May God give you wisdom.

May God bless and protect you.

Death until the dust, and we're waiting
Ruined in the rust, of our craving
It feels like, it feels like
Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal?
You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail
It feels like, it feels like you're gasping with all your might

You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)

Insects walk below, I'm on a wire
Fire will burn below, but I am higher
It feels like, it feels like
Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal?
You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail
It feels like, it feels like;
you're gasping with all your might

You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)

Do you remember how
You became who you are now?
Do you remember how
It felt to breathe without
Gasping with all your might?

You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
Nothing left to fight

You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied
There's nothing left to fight
Nothing left to fight (Nothing left to fight)
Live free or let me die
Live free or let me die
Live free or let me die

For Madame Bet

2009-05-27T03:55:00.002-05:00

For you, for fun.....

Idol edited out Fergie but had no prob with Flo Rider? HAHAHAHAHA!!

Now enough fun, I must get serious again! LOL

bep @ Yahoo! Video

KISS..Highlight of my American Idol Evening

2009-05-21T11:18:00.010-05:00

OMG! American Idol is over! I am just now coming off of my musical high. I was squealing like a hormonal teenager at my first metal concert! Now what will I do with my Tuesday and Wednesday nights?

I can't say that I am not disappointed over who won the American Idol title. BUT neither can I say that I'm mad about it. We do like the underdog. I will more than likely never purchase a Kris CD, just not my genre. But what a wild ride! Now I am waiting for my favorite wild thing to release his first CD. I love my music with an edge.

I was happy to see hear that one of the executives hinted about a contract for Adam as well and possibly for a few others.

As one star put it: "Adam did win. So did Kris. Nobody lost tonight. These are two champions," said Paul Stanley from Kiss backstage.

There were a record breaking number of votes this season. Almost 100 million cast theirs Tuesday night. Some say that Adam was cheated. Well, statistically speaking Arkansas has traditionally been the state with highest amount of votes. Arkansas just so happens to be the place Kris calls home. According to AT&T Arkansas cast 38 million votes in the finale. And of course, Vote for the Worst (of which a certain freak is a member, don't try to guess ;) had a helping hand. Kris should send them a shout out. At least they got his name right this time! BwaaaHaaaaa

I always roll my eyes when the Judges announce that "This is the best season ever!". But I'll be damned if they weren't right this time! I highly doubt they will be able to top this one.

Last night was a blast! I knew who all the guest stars would be except for Queen. A Very Cool surprise! Queen with Adam, who would have thought it...... hehehe

David Cook performed his very moving song “Permanent” for his brother Adam who just a few weeks ago passed away after a long fierce battle with brain cancer. David poured his soul into this one, becomeing teary eyed towards the end. The song is now on iTunes and the proceeds go to ABC squared to help find a cure for cancer. Cancer is such an ugly thing, touching the young and old alike, my own mother lost her battle to cancer when still a young women.

Another highlight for me was when “Bikini Girl” took the stage for her "golden Idol" award. Kara came out from nowhere and took her on for a singing duet/duel and a bikini showdown. HAHAHAAHA! I agree with Rickey.org. KARA'S REDEEMED!!! Sweetie, you know...you proved on that stage last night that you have the "Total package" and have what it takes to make it on American Idol. That was artistry! lol Now I hope she comes back. And so what if she talks a lot, how many quiet Italians do you know?

But this....this for me was the Pièce de résistance! Adam on stage with KISS!!! When he came out in that FABULOUS outfit and the platform boots, which BTW were his, I knew the rumour was true!!! I began to scream OMG!!! That's all I could say...OMG!!!. My little boy, the social butterfly of his Kinder class, cam running in to see what the commotion was all about, telling me I am too loud! HA!

When KISS came out he began to join in on the scream fest, saying "HEY! THAT'S on Guitar Heroes!!! This is KEWL!!!" I then realized, most KISS I know I've learned from playing that game, I have 2 and we duel. We were both dancing and singing around the room. Family Time can be fun!

A nice pimp for KISS. Well played. The American Idol stage was a platform that introduced them to a fresh new audience with their major upcoming tour.

Two questions:

Does Gene Simmons ever catch flies with that tongue?; and

Is there a morning after cure for a musical hangover?

Seriously.....

KISS

QUEEN!!!

queen @ Yahoo! Video

Bryan Head L.O.V.E.

2009-05-13T10:54:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I still feel that anger inside.
Looking for answers to the Question......Why?

I gave you everything, all the pain life brings,
just to get you to come back to me.
I want to give you light, I don't want to ever fight,
Stop resisting and come home to me...

You're so afraid of love there's not much time...
All the pain inside just makes you want to die..
Love me, Don't hate me.. You're angry it's ok..
Trust me.. come this way.. live in eternity...

I'm the real drug to take, to numb your heartache,
stop running and come back to me..
I've had it up to here.. I cried way too many tears..
you'll keep suffering til you come to me.

Outside you act so tuff, but inside you cry,
all the pain inside just makes you want to die.
Love me... done hate me... you're angry... it's ok.
Trust me.. come this way.. live in eternity... your soul is mine

I don't want to fight, your soul is mine,
don't be unkind, you soul is mine.

I don't want to lie, I swear you'll never die,
stay alive when I restore all mankind.

Love me don't hate me.. you're angry.. it's ok.
Trust me... come this way.... live in eternity.
Come see.... you'll soon be.... not guilty.... and set free

Basic Instinct, Spiritual Lives

2009-05-10T14:19:00.004-05:00

I caught up with the podcasts the other day. Must say I enjoyed this one. Not to many people will say these things out loud. All those who have read my Blog know that I do not go to church period for a variety of reasons.

I like what Z said about cultural wars. I never felt the need to pick on certain groups of people either. The Church does seem to have it's favorites. I admit, I do not understand a lot of it.

Once I was at a funeral in a Baptist Church and the pastor began to preach a sermon. He talked about where that person was now and how they had assurance of salvation. And then spoke of another who had recently passed away, that person was a homosexual.

He said after the service he was approached and someone asked, "Pastor, at least he is happy now and in heaven". The pastor looked very serious as he stood behind the pulpit, behind the coffin, and said..."NO, he was gay, he is in hell now".

I wanted to walk out. But first I wanted to ask, "How in the hell do you know? " That preacher cannot see inside the heart, he is not God. I had been told that this person said they loved God and accepted Jesus. They struggled with their sexuality their whole lives. So God would now spit on him? I don't believe that line of thinking.

I knew some of the people there, and thought about a neighbor of mine sitting nearby. Her husband made her furious, he blew all his cash after work at a topless bar. And I looked over at the alcoholic and at another I knew who had a porn addiction. They were the most vocal. It seemed they liked to pick on one of the few things that they could say they had not done. Or maybe one of the things they themselves secretly were ashamed of. It made them feel somehow more righteous, a bigger man to belittle someone else.

Now I do know a few preachers who do not go on the attack mode like that, even if they do not agree they are at least sensitive in their interaction. And that makes a big difference, it makes more sense.

Being aggressive and attacking another will get the door slammed in your face.

But for the most........I do not get it. Why divide and push everyone away?

Z also mentions Hades again, the Land of the dead.

From the Zeph Report: LINK

The problem with CONSCIOUSNESS (i.e. Adam and Eve waking up and conforming to the Serpent's way, thus knowing (becoming conscious) that they were naked) is that we externalize it (creating wars), and seek to conform to ANIMAL INSTINCT rather than the SPIRITUAL QUEST (or LIFE, TRUE SURVIVAL AND CHRIST).

So-called "Christians" are really involved in base culture wars exemplified by the lame response by Miss California, in the name of Jesus no less, i.e. taking a stand on the culture war--marriage is between a man and a woman, rather than the correct answer--i.e. this is an irrelevant topic to my walk in Christ.

Further to this, right wing xtians will go to war to protect their side (which is INSTINCT, NOT SPIRITUAL CALLING), THUS DEFEATING their calling and marginalizing themselves as cubbyholed know-nothings.

But we all do this--all the clubs, collectives, and humans in various COUNTRIES, needing to dominate or war with others to protect the home front, i.e. a safe place for children.

It makes sense, but the spiritual calling ASKS US TO TRUST GOD AND GO WITH HIM, and do not look back, do not engage in culture wars.... or striving for meat -- God does that so that we can SOJOURN to the higher shore, i.e. SPIRITUAL CONSCIOUSNESS=Eternal Life.

This is probably a pretty crucial podcast as it actually lays out what REALITY is and what the PROBLEM is for all humanity.

And On the 8th Day God Created Rock......

2009-05-09T19:51:00.009-05:00

And on the eighth day God created rock. And God saw that it was good.

Danny sang. And Vote for the Worst saw that it was bad, very bad, which was erm....good.

The results show last Wednesday night was a shocker. I would liked to have seen an Adam versus Allison grand finale. Based on the performance I expected to see Danny go home. Now the week before my vote went to Danny, disco sucks but I actually liked what Danny did with the song choice and thought Adam would not need the votes anyway. But after seeing Adam in the bottom I panicked!

I'm sure you heard about Danny's song ending, it has been dubbed..."The Scream Heard Around the World".

I do not believe it was intentional, he was actually clapping! hehehehe

It was a brilliant move non the less. It won Danny the spot on Vote for the Worst. Put the blame on them, they are the ones responsible for this imbalance. I have to admit though, some of their stuff is funny.

That scream was all the rage on the net! LOL But just in case you have not heard about it or heard it, though God knows how you missed it......

Well, on second thought I'm not THAT evil, I will spare you the full Danny Gokey vid.

Danny looked like this:

DANNY gOKEY, THE SCREAM

And sounded like a cat with his huevos in a vice!

Danny? Couldn't you have just let us Remember September?

Hum, maybe it was not Vote for the Worst that kept him in, maybe no one wanted to hear a repeat if he lost and had to sing them out through the credits.

Well, at least he had the ability to laugh at himself. I can respect that. At the beginning of the show Seacrest asked him, looking back at the tape, what did he think of his final notes?

Danny said, "Oh man, to tell you the truth I was like Yeah man! I nailed it!" He went on to say that it was hard to hear onstage, but when he listened back, and saw Randy's eyes bug out real big, and everyone else, he laughed all night long, could not stop. The funny part for me was Paula dancing, and when he hit that note she fell back in her chair! Danny said it was his funniest moment ever on American Idol.

He was with his family and talking to his cousin, who told him that his own aunt muted that part. And he was laughing even harder when he found out people are downloading that scream for a ring tone. He expects to hear it in a horror movie next. They probably will use it.

He sounded pretty good with Kris on the harmony part of the duet. I wondered at first why they were paired up like that but saw an interview, they chose their own partner.

I also wondered the why of the hideous outfit, especially the purple shirt he wore for rock night. Then I remembered, they do not get to pick their own clothing at this stage. The stylist does it for them.

Rock is not his genre, and the clothes made him look even more out of place. He does have talent though and with his rich soulful voice I expect a Contemporary Gospel album will be coming out soon.

Allison is such a little powerhouse. I will miss her. But I am glad that next week they all rejoin behind the scenes to begin their Summer tour practice.

Here is Allison in the group song of the night. It was a treat to see Slash on stage!

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Idle SaturDaze, Idol for Fun.......

2009-05-08T12:57:00.021-05:00

I am having one of those daze where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. There is a desperate need here to unwind as I'm quite the moody bitch.

They say music soothes the savage Beast. And I do so love music, especially music a la American Idol. And it's just what the Blogosphere needs, *insert sarcasm*....... another American Idol post.

My Carrie Underwood loving red neck friends and family no longer discuss American Idol with me. They are upset because the big hunky Texan is no longer in the competition, there is no country music to vote for.

I love Adam, they do not share my enthusiasm and are pissed, saying that Adam ruined Ring of Fire on Country night and Johnny Cash was rolling over in his grave. I personally found Adam's version intoxicatingly exotic. Has no one ever heard the cover Cash did of NIN's Hurt? It was cool!

I guess we are even, because I cringe and hit mute every time someone is voted off. It beats being forced to listen to Carrie Underwood ruin Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home.

They kept needling me about Adam, asking......
"He looks gay right? But he's not gay, right, RIGHT???"

At that moment I realized, not all are born with gaydar.

They began to talk about Country music and good morals, how it teaches family values. I had to laugh. Their Idol Carrie not only sings Jesus take the Wheel, but also, I never knew your last Name.

Country Music is about:

Drugs, (weed)
Sex,
Cheating,
Alcohol,
and Fights.

Rock music is about:

Drugs,
Sex,
Cheating,
Alcohol,
and Fights.

Well, there are love songs, but all in all it's the same song sung to a different tune and beat.

They told me flat out no one can touch or compare to their Carrie Underwood. I told them, I can appreciate it all. Carrie Underwood has a pretty voice, pure clear tone, good range, but that does not make her the best, I will not buy a single thing she produces because I hate that music.

Their response was..."Leave my baby alone!" To which I responded..."Leave my gay baby alone!" I wish I had a hidden video camera to capture their reaction.

I could not stop laughing!

Was does sexuality have to do with Adam's singing gift anyway? And to be fair I hate the way some rip into Danny too about his church and late wife. What gives?

I love the way a beautiful person both inside and out by the name of Gardenlady put it, her words made me misty eyed.

Quote:

Adam has incredible stage presence. I think Idol is the show for people watchers....such diversity in people...I love the way God is so extravagant in his creation.

There are hundreds of thousands of different flowers, thousands of different dogs, and almost an infinate variety of human characters.

Sometimes I try to imagine if we had only a dozen flowers to choose from, or two types of dogs, or how miserable life would be if every woman was the same. God forbid if he had given us only 5 models of men.

I think we should look at what makes a person or a plant unique and celebrate that instead of wishing they had more of this trait or that trait. When we can celebrate our difference we can begin to see the reason for the broad scattering of talents and gifts among all of creation. When one thing begins to falter, another ones strengths begin to shine!

END

I am capable of acknowledging that they all have talent. They have all the genres covered, there is something for everyone. No matter who wins they will all make plenty of Do-re-mi.

What I loved about Adam's last performance is that no one is comparing him to Elvis now! Some believe he IS Elvis, and other older New Agers have stated that they believe he is the reincarnation of Elvis. They have even compared natal Charts.

Yes, there is a little resemblance. I can picture Elvis with hair so emo that it cuts itself and they both have that crooked smile and snarl down. But listen old peeps, I luv ya but Adam is Adam, he is not Elvis, he is not the reincarnation of Elvis. Elvis is dead, Elvis is not coming back!

Here is the previously mentioned performance....

singing rock boy @ Yahoo! Video

Adam Lambert....MAD wORLD

2009-04-12T22:31:00.005-05:00

MAD WORLD

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

The Extreme Society Show with Guest Russ Dizdar

2009-04-11T17:23:00.007-05:00

Below is a new interview from The Extreme Society Show, Russ Dizdar was their guest last night. His interview is episode 46.

I listened live, a first time listener to those guys. I suspect some of them have mouths as naughty as mine but they were trying to behave. hehehehehehe

I have yet to listen to the archive. I wonder if they deleted any of it?

Being what I am I could hear the thoughts of others who are trained. They pissed a few of my kind off. Usually it is Russ who angers them. They would rather no one believe Russ or in these things of course, what is hidden in the shadows remains a secret. But something said really ticked them off.

Man, I wonder what or who they will think responsible if the headaches, the bizarre streak of bad luck, and the weirdness begins? Comic book characters are fiction, comic book characters are not capable of doing what this kind is capable of.

The roots of the tree spread far.......

LINK: THE EXTREME SOCIETY SHOW

Sei vorsichtig, was du dir wünschst........es könnte in Erfüllung gehen.

Z Talk "JESUS"

2009-04-11T15:56:00.006-05:00

Just now catching up on all the new podcast out by my favorite peeps. The one Z did on Jesus really touched on some things I often think deeply on. Isn't there a verse about "seek and ye shall find"? Maybe it really is that simple and man made religion has made it appear difficult. Seek your Maker and you will find God.

Zeph also delved into some more personal issues that he does not often talk about. Having struggled to make sense of much of the same I understand why. One tends to get rejection. It was good to hear someone else talk candidly on a topic most Christians run from. Gifts, empathy, a form of clairvoyance.

Z is an empath and said it can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I have a hard time controlling it myself. It becomes overwhelming and I close off and lock myself in a dark quiet room. What I hear can be deafening. I believe that is why so many like me drink or medicate, whether it is from a doctor or self medication. To make it tolerable. Oh, they are still picking up, just not aware as much. The sound becomes muffled.

It has been this way for me since birth, but it became much stronger at the age of three. Was almost shocking to hear Z talk about how it began for him around three years of age. I really do pick up all those thoughts around me, even on the net. And I also know who has been here at this board. Like he said, some go insane having never learned to control it.

I have wondered at times if it developed because of the abuse? Or for me, did the abuse begin because of what I am?

Zeph said it is because we went through this that we became this way, it helped us survive and for some reason God spared us. That living as an Empath is both a curse and a blessing. But it can also be used for good.

I am beginning to see that. My "seeing" and "sensing" has spared me lately from being gamed. I do shy from telling others things because I was used in the past. But recently I told someone what I saw, felt it was necessary, and sure enough it was.....they are going to the doctor now to take care of it. Something else is happening now too, but I hesitate to tell anyone,. I am not sure what it is myself.

You have no idea how soothing it was to hear someone answer questions I have about how to deal but was too afraid to ask.

I do need to work on not allowing others pain to become my own. It is not mine, I need to always remember that. It gets so bad sometimes to the point where I cannot even shake another persons hand.....their emotions and experiences flood over me and I struggle not to drown in it.

Wondering too if strangers sense that in us? It has been my experience that I can just be standing in line at a grocery store and total strangers will spill their guts. You guys would be shocked if you knew half of what is confessed to me.

His talk made me feel a little better, I still see myself as a freak. And I am having problems understanding it all, and understanding the why and from what source.

On to the Zeph Report.....

ZR28 Jesus: LINK

Yes, meant as a companion piece to ZR27. Who is Jesus? You will hear the mystery today, but will you comprehend it? God made all humans and wants people to know that SALVATION does not belong to religion, but it is within us to seek help from HIM WHO MADE US... that is the beginning of consciousness. If you have the Father, you have the Son (and Holy Spirit).... seek God, all things shall be added. Only God can save, thus Jesus is God. Jesus is the Word (and the Word made flesh), the transcendent mystery that is our destiny.

Very subtle to comprehend it all, but key here is to divorce Jesus from the doctrines of MEN, and say, JUST SEE YOUR MAKER, PRAY TO HIM TO SAVE YOU, AND YOU SHALL BE SAVED.

NO matter what religion or cultural background you came from.

If you seek TRUTH--Jesus will show up, hard to predict what form, but eventually the Father will bring you into the mystery. I say, if you reject the Son, the Father rejects you--but it is semantics as it is all GOD.

The purpose of Jesus besides King and Ruler over all things, is to free us from the grip of Satan. Call on God, He will deliver you. But are you ready to go where He takes you?

Most are not.

Are you prepared for persecution for Jesus?

Most are not.

You can say God or Jah all you want, but when you are ready to take up your cross and become a bondservant of Christ... well then you are free--and then the world becomes a hostile place yet your love pours forth.

But let's back up--as there are many non-believers listening, wondering... and so I amplify my own testimony--I begged God to come into my life and help.

He did--it's been 10 years of service. Jesus came into my consciousness at first in the form of Satan, who showed up and said, JESUS IS NO BIG DEAL....

And so I knew, must be pretty important if I"m going to be warned even before passing through the door!

I digress.

Call upon the Maker for salvation, which is BECOMING CONSCIOUS of God who made you, and comprehending that it is not about you or your happiness, but HIM... follow Him, not the ways of man, which are corrupt.

Sounds simple...

I pray for your strength on the journey--you shall have good success if you serve the Lord.

SHALOM!
z

Here is a link to ZR 27 for those interested.

LINK: XTIAN NO MONOPOLY ON GOD (SALVATION)

Gina Romano, Russ Dizdar Upcoming Intervew

2009-04-10T07:51:00.002-05:00

EDITED TO ADD, was very hard to find. This is the proper link for tonight's show.

TALK SHOE

Just FYI,

Don't forget to tune in for the upcoming interview tomorrow, Saturday, with Gina and Russ. This was rescheduled from the interview that was to have taken place last month. I will post a link later.

GINA WROTE:

This is Gina Romano, Edge Correspondent and Host, Russ Dizdar will be on talkshoe on April 11, 2009 at 10 PM EDT/EST to talk about the satanic agenda and the organized stalking campaigns that are covering the globe.

As we all know, Russ is an expert in his field and he will discuss the facts and realities behind the satanic movement.

The call in number is 724-444-7444 ID 43191

Listen in as Russ provides his listeners with another fantastic interview.

Thanks, Gina Romano

DEAD I KNOW

2009-04-01T22:38:00.005-05:00

I love Zeph Daniel's "Dead I Know". No need to explain it, the words are self explanatory for those who see.

CLICK HERE: SONG LINK

Dead I Know

They came for the husk
seeking the seeker
warp drive up and comer
seen and I thought you were dumber

stuck in the echo chamber
but the shipwreck is asunder
they rearrange the deck
and glimpse the mirror
underwater, they look much taller

One says,
oh say can you see
by the pawn's early lie
what so pridefully we hail
the satanic queendom
of the Double Eagle
Double minded all the way
until that day
where the prophets roam
to and fro
punching your clock
get ready to roll
wrong musick

(at the Hollywood party you were amazed
when the pool water was stuck in the air
think, tangible, a miracle
hanging there, all fled,
afraid
like they saw one raised from the dead, but it was a warning
instead)

Oh yes, there is an angel of death
your prayers were answered
He sticks in the scythe
and reaps
billions served
(but they were served before)
it had been spoken
warnings went out
Ignored.
Always Ignored.
People of God mocked
pretend there's no clock
Whoa is he who cannot pay
when the note comes due.

but the prince has a magnificent nakedness
they call it bejeweled and in fine linen

Oh but it's dimensional, terrestrial and earthly--so they thought

There is this dimension
where these people go and remain hidden
but the ones who claim it are lying
they rule over the others who they think are weak

So he tells them
"Time for you to die"

"Ah but I'm not so cruel...Balance must remain, please pay your debt---and
I will spare you"

We're not ready for that!

Pull the plug?

Are you insane?

That would be the end of...

Everything.

Of every little thing.

Ah yes, but Justice Is.

Balance the Books.

He is no crook.

Now, who is hard, and whose fault is this?

All that is, Is.

That which is not, Is Not

Never had been.

2009-03-29T16:41:00.001-05:00

Du bist mein anderes Ich
Du bist mein zweites Gesicht

2009-03-29T03:47:00.002-05:00

Remember........

2009-03-27T07:09:00.001-05:00

Hinter den Spiegeln.

Ghost Dance

2009-03-22T20:39:00.007-05:00

I can't stop thinking about all the Death and sorrow in Sri Lanka while I sit here in my safe warm home. Sri Lanka has not garnished the same attention as war and human suffering in other parts of the world. Slap a Muslim label on it and I bet it would. We are so brainwashed.

Most do not suffer here in America as they suffer in other parts of the world. At least not on such a large scale. But give it time...........

History repeats herself many times over does she not? Except now mankind is a bit bolder. They found new more efficient ways to kill. Don't be deceived, for the same force is behind it all just as it was in the beginning. I cannot wait for the violence to end.

A wise person once said that "The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him."

Here is a song by Bill Miller that gives me chills each and every time I listen. It is called Ghost Dance. I have a lot of history on the massacre that the song was written about, including articles from newspapers that were written over one hundred years ago. But now is not the time. Just listen to the song.....it contains much more than music and lyrics, it contains Spirit.

~Ghost Dance~

I wanna go where the blind can see
I wanna go where the lame will walk
I wanna see the sick ones clean
Where the deaf can hear and the silent talk

Where are you going, to a ghostdance in the snow?
Where are all your warriors, I see they're finally
Coming home

I wanna go where the dead are raised
Where the mountain lion lays down with the lamb
I wanna stand where God is praised
I wanna ride across the plains
To the promised land

Where I'm going don't need to raise your voice
No starvation we'll have plenty to eat
No guns no wars, no hateful noise
Just a victory dance, we'll never taste defeat

Where there's nothin' done or said
That can't be forgiven
Where every step you take
Is on sacred ground

Walk away from death
Into the land of the living
Where all the lost tribes
Are finally found

So where are we going, to a ghostdance in the snow?
Mighty warrior, finally
Coming home

Yes I'm finally coming home....

UPDATE: Sri Lanka, LTTE, and Tamil Citizens....Dire Situation

2009-03-22T17:51:00.007-05:00

I know many of you have already seen the gruesome death photos on this page below. The situation has deteriorated.

The following is a new message from our christian brothers and sisters who are in a desperate place right now and concerned for their people.

MESSAGE:

Calling All Prayer Warriors...
Desperate Situation in Sri Lanka!

Many of you have seen the horrifying pictures that were posted recently of the slaughter of the Tamil people in Sri Lanka that a few sisters posted... the situation is worsening..

150,000 Tamil Civilians are being used as human shields and being slaughtered. There will be massive casualties in the next 2-4 weeks under a media "blackout" unless our prayers are effective.

Please join me in praying for sparing of innocent lives, for resources to be loosed and to reach the people that need them and removal of every spiritual block that is blocking help to the innocent people.

Also, binding demonic forces that are now swarming to devour the souls of the people there.

And to displace the dark spiritual powers/principalities lording over this situation in this nation of Sri Lanka.

What has basically developed in the remaining conflict area is a siege situation in the place controlled by the LTTE (not much more than 30km). The militants are surrounded and they are using some 150,000 Tamil civilians are as human shields. The remaining LTTE would be crushed by the SL army if they didn't have Tamil Civilians buffering them.

Declared UN "safe zones" are being used by the LTTE to fire out artillery at the army, when the army returns fire they inevitably kill tens and hundreds of civilians at a time. Any able bodied Tamil civilians are being forced to fight by the LTTE, if they don't they are killed. Civilians that try to leave are gunned down as an example to others. Those who remain are starving.

The window of opportunity to help save these Tamil Civilians is shortening.

Please Pray.

2009-03-22T01:14:00.003-05:00

Die Uhr tickt.......

Sri Lanka: Mass Murder of Innocents by LTTE Hidden Behind the Media Blackout

2009-03-16T17:51:00.015-05:00

WARNING: HORRIFIC AND GRAPHIC PHOTO'S OF DEATH

VIEW AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

QUOTE:

Warning, these pictures are very graphic. They depict some of what is happening in Sri Lanka amidst the media blackout ...

Urgent request in to forward this to people you know who can do something to help in the current humanitarian crisis in Sri Lanka and potentially follow up with international war crimes investigations as soon as possible.

Note the children witnessing the gruesome scenes….

This is the destiny of the innocent Tamil civilians who tried to escape into government controlled areas. If caught, they will be burned alive!!!!!!!!!

Extreme brutality of LTTE…… Burning their own people ALIVE !!!!!

END QUOTE

PLEASE NOTE:

This is not a media posting as currently there is a MEDIA BLACKOUT in the area.

The article above and the photo's enclosed may be re-posted, and copied in order to get the word out. Get it out People!

The journalists in that area of the country have been threatened, detained, and some murdered.

This is a Humanitarian crisis. The U.N. has reported that their staff members were forcibly recruited by LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam). (SOURCE) Aljazeera also reported that there is a crisis and all surgeries have stopped at a makeshift hospital in the War Zone. People are dying while waiting for care. (SOURCE)

It has been written that a picture speaks a thousand words. The following pictures speak millions.

Please keep these ones in prayer.

The Threshing Floor ......Threshed

2009-03-15T03:44:00.012-05:00

I meant to post this last year, but it kind of slipped by me. Most people probably have not seen this older podcast from Russ, it was not out in any of his Newsletters or on Shatter's main page.

But last month someone *coughrandymauganscough* put a show out about Christian deception, listed a few "culprits" in the show notes and put Russ Dizdar in the same category as a Shiner Bock Waffen. (German alter offered that one, they have their moments :)

What was insinuated was a little harsher this third time around. I am not sure how many people actually listen to his show but I wonder why someone insists on going there with the attacks again and again? Reminds me of when I was a kid and did not want to go to a mean spirited church. The preacher looked at me and said...."They just want to treat you like family" I shot back...."The unwanted step child?" No thank you. Yeah, I have always had a mouth on me.

I have noticed lately though and not just on the net, that there seems to be a lot of people who say they are Christians bashing other Christians. "Don't have to worry about the world, the Christians will throw you to the lions." I heard that somewhere........it fits.

Just want to say, I have NEVER heard Russ point others away from God! His words were taken out of context AGAIN as well.

Well, anyway, here is the nice podcast Russ put out last year in response to what was previously said, his thoughts on the Book of Enoch, and a link to the notes.

Any nasty comments posted will be deleted and the ip from whence it came, banned. And no one likes me when I get really pissed off.

LINK: Russ Podcast

LINK: Updated notes.

ETA: I was asked where last month's interview was. I was not going to post the link knowing that some of you are pretty proficient at finding things. But I decided to anyway because I noticed since it was Vyzygoth who interviewed Randy one may become confused and mistake the notes for his.

The most visible link with all the show notes were Randy's and he is the one who brought up Russ Dizdar, not Vyzygoth. Just to be clear and fair. And I do understand the insanity of the Paul haters, of which Russ was not accused of in the actual podcast. The notes just appear to lump all together.

LINK: AUDIO/NOTES

Vyzygoth’s Beyond the Grassy Knoll-Interiew with Randy Maugans: “Bible Ala Carte“

“… if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.”-Revelation 22:19

(Please note, the show notes were not written by Vyzygoth)

The time of deception is upon us and Vyz wants answers:

Is the Bible the revealed Word of God?

How do continual disputes over the canon of scripture affect the witness of Yahweh to believers?

Why do certain “authorities” wish to remove the writings of Paul from the New Testament?

Bible codes, the Talmud, and Pseudapigrapha?

What about the Book of Enoch and the strange doctrines of the Nephillim in UFOs?

Culprits: Sherry Shriner, Russ Dizdar, and David Bay

Does removing certain books of the Bible violate Revelation 22:19, and remove one’s name from the book of life?

Today, Russ Dizdar with Gina Romano

2009-03-14T15:14:00.006-05:00

Hey guys, long time no post, I know. Too many migraines, a relative in critical is still critical, and a ghost from my past has returned. And oh yeah, most Christians forums do not accept memberships from freaks like me, no matter how lucid. I will not even bother anymore. Whats the point? I am not a happy camper right now.

Anyway, just FYI.........Gina posted this on the comment section, thought you guys may want to know that:

Russ Dizdar will be interviewed by Host, Gina Romano, for Freedom Fighters of America on talkshoe.com on 3/14/2009 at 9 pm EDT. Call in number is 724-444-7444 ID 43191

Chris Zucker is the President and Founder of Freedom Fighters for America. Chris will also be hosting the show.

Russ Dizdar will discuss the satanic agenda and organized stalking campaigns that are now becoming a global epidemic.

Russ Dizar is an expert in his field. Listen in and find out why the evil is covering the earth.

Thanks Gina Romano for Freedom Fighters for America.

freedomfightersforamerica.com

shatterthedarkness.net

2009-02-28T01:57:00.002-06:00

Stephen Baldwin VLOGS, for "THE FEW"

2009-02-06T14:02:00.009-06:00

I love the Baldwin boys. Such intense actors and those piercing blue eyes! I did not realize how old they were, but they are still hot! I am not really into the celebrity thing per se, though met quite a few in my younger days through relatives.

Maybe I am not easily impressed because I saw them in day to day life without all the glam. But I do notice hotness. HAHAHAHA

Around last fall I discovered that Stephen Baldwin is a Christian. I previously thought that maybe he was just taking a break for a while. First thoughts that came to mind were, "yeah, right......whatever". Kind of the same way I felt about Bryan Head's (from Korn, for those who live under a rock) conversion Though back then I made fun of him. But he is a nice guy, feel bad about all the things I said now.

Most Christians, and this is solely based on my interactions and the molestation as a child at church, totally turned me off to Jesus. These people were soulless bastards wearing a light mask, in fact, you could say they were part of my God/belief inoculation. Took me years to have faith in anything again.

I noticed a few little blurbs here and there, on radio, Internet, celebrity news, etc........that were not so nice concerning Stephen Baldwin. Insinuating in plain English that basically he was a dumb ass and/or crazy. Now I get it, the "why" of all the attacks.

I saw his "I am Second" video when looking for any news on American Idol's Jason Castro. It was rather interesting.

Those look great but I wanted to see the unpolished version of what he really was all about. And DAMN, was I ever shocked when I found these Stephen Baldwin VLOGS yesterday.

I have never seen a celebrity speak like this. this is not your cheerful goofy funny Stephen, he was very intense and probably scared a lot of Christian to be honest. He talks about Lucifer masquerading as an Angel of light, and how if your a Christian Jesus said the world would hate you. If they love you...you need to question why.

Was jaw dropping to say the least. Also, the effect of the computer screen casting a glow on his face, the intense eyes, and his impressions of others were a bit freaky, and that is coming from a freak! LOL

The "I am Second" interview was nice and he was very sincere...but this, though not as polished, says a lot...and it was not as "safe".

You can tell he is tired, it takes a few minutes before he gets flowing.

The second video is the first installment he did on his "THE FEW" series.

He is very intense like Russ Dizdar and the Z man, very bold. I am sure some could say that "He is from Hollywood and acting," but this is not faked An actor putting it all out there and making himself unpopular? Yeah, right. And despite his famous name those vids do not have that many hits.

And I can feel the spirit world, some have said I was born between the worlds. There are attacks going on, some of the remarks are, "Well, who is he to speak? Needs to clean it up more". He is not churchian enough for them or what? Maybe people think Christians have to have all the cookie cutter sameness and walk on water? Only our Creator is perfect. And if God wanted us all to be alike he would have made us that way.

Something is up....the other side is pissed.

These made me think too, I was extremely sold out to the wrong side. What would happen if I could do the same for God?

Last night was hell, something bad happened that I won't get into. But can't quit now. Have some more work to do on myself.

ETA: Wanted to add my comment where everyone can see, since a few emailed me....

Friend sent an email, saying I should not be lusting over hotness.

Nope, not lusting. Just not blind. I am admiring the beauty that God, in his Infinite Wisdom, saw fit to create! Thank You God! :) hehehe

THAT'S IT!

2009-02-02T13:24:00.005-06:00

Enough already!!!!

I am doing a cleansing like my nicer grandmother used to do. I can feel it, it is so heavy and I REFUSE to take any more! There has been great weirdness and activity happening since the wee hours. Light bulbs exploding, doors opening and closing by themselves, to name a few. On a side note however, I am one of those people who can crash electrical things if not careful. But there is lots of dark energy too trying to hide in the background.

I am going to burn a few bundles and maybe a little nag chompa, and most certainly will pray. Prayers to God have the power but I think the act as affirmation combined with Prayer helps me feel like I being proactive, and if nothing else it smells rather nice. It can't hurt. There are several things I can do to make me feel more in control. A pre-Spring cleansing of the spiritual kind is in order!

EDITED:

This is weird, right before I did what I had to do it became worse, and cable blew too. I called them, they could not fix it over the line. They just installed new lines too that were better. They are sending a tech over.

I am finished praying and cleansing. As God is my witness, every room looks brighter, there is now more light here. And the energy does not feel as heavy. I forgot about the attic however, and I heard something walking around up there. Have to get the courage to go in the attic. Attics do not scare me, but it feels like something is pretty pissed off up there. And tonight is going to be something else, I never felt anything this strong before. I am going to be prepared tonight.

Baby Shower Hell

2009-02-02T10:31:00.008-06:00

I may regret sharing this. But I attended the most bizarre baby shower over the weekend. Well, to me it was strange, albeit I have not attended that many to make a fair comparison. This post could prove embarrassing if discovered that said shower's festivities are the norm.

To be honest I do not enjoy these types of gatherings. The blame could be placed in my upbringing, I hung around more boys than girls.

The aforementioned shower took place and began rather late and continued well after midnight. When I left it was still going strong.

I somehow thought that the activities at such functions would, like the food, go overboard with sugary sweetness. But like I said, I have none to compare too. I was about 5 or 6 when I attended my first one and the other was held in a business office.

This seemed to take on a form of cruel degradation. And I could not believe how long the games lasted. I have been told before that many women do not like me because I am different and am not seen as a team player. When the shower was mentioned family members told me not to be a party pooper. Personally I think that most do not have that much in common with me and vice-versa, and that is what it all boils down too. Hearing the words from my family echoing through my mind....."most women do not like you".......I decided, what the heck, and made up my mind to force myself to go, wear the happy ditz blond mask, and blend in.

First let me mention that there was no alcohol served that I am aware off, so that did not influence my perception.

The first rule upon entering was "No crossing your legs". I thought that strange.

The few men that were around had been banned and the little ones that attended were being entertained in the back.

There were over a dozen women attending, most were professional, a few worked in the medical profession. Now I am most certainly no prude and don't understand why people freak on words like penis and vagina. But to me these games were humiliating and a few were crude. Maybe they had a weird sense of humor?

I do not have the time to list them all, only will list a few examples. One game entailed popping a large balloon with a body part. Inside each was a folded slip of paper with instructions to follow. Such as, crawling around floor on all fours. OK, I can see the reasoning behind that one, sort of acting as a baby.

But then it got bizarre. They had women in chairs, blindfolded and bibbed. We were to force feed them with the nastiest mashed up food until consumed, I felt so bad for one lady who was gagging, I stopped it there, saying there would be no forcing anyone to do something they don't like from me.

Another was to hold what when in it's natural state and use is innocent, but in this case passing for a phallic symbol between the thighs and carry without dropping across the room. OK, maybe passable, a slightly naughty adult version of a kid's relay game? No one said anything, but all were snickering. And I admit, the older ladies looked rather humorous. I put my foot down however at laying back and drinking baby bottle without using the hands. And I saw that damn food, did not trust what was in the bottles.

We were all herded together and locked in a room. They came bearing blindfold again, and led a each person out after blindfolding one at a time. I noticed that all the lights were out as well, appeared to be candles burning.

That was it, I already saw what they did to a few poor souls whom I could tell were not very happy. So I announced I was leaving when the door opened up again. "No", was the response as they grabbed and blindfolded me and led me out into the front area. I did not want to have melt down there, but began to panic and could not breathe, was feeling darkness and weird heavy energy, like everything was closing in. I demanded they loosen the blindfold. At that point I just wanted to get it over with. I am beginning to think that it triggered me somehow, most like us suffer from post traumatic stress,.

Then I calmed down as she began talking to me in a gentle tone of voice and placed my hands on the pregnant person. First the top of her head, the had me feel her belly, saying it's natural, just a baby, So I thought to myself, I am being silly, this is just a mind game to make us think they are going to do something bizarre. It's just a guessing game, and later they would use a tape measure to see who guessed the girth of the belly the most accurately.

Then came the surprise, suddenly my hands were jerked down below the stomach and into something quite shocking. I broke free form their grasp, jerked off the mask, and lo and behold, there was a simulated vagina complete with natural overly ripe organic material inside it to make it feel more "real". I could have sworn a few male alters were cringing.

Those that did this were all laughing their asses off and taking a ton of pictures. of me The flashing light of camera was blinding, I kept seeing white lights in front of my eyes and told them to stop, because I could not focus. I remember cleaning my hands, then the rest of the night kind of faded out. But I am pretty sure I left soon after. Oh man, just writing and remembering it now, feelings are very surreal, have to take a break for a minute. Head hurts.

Childbirth is a very natural and some say beautiful thing, and there is no reason to be ashamed of a body part. But this just seemed crude. Don't know, maybe they just had a weird sense of humor. Am I being paranoid?

Being in a dark place and blind folded kind of brought up some painful childhood memories for me as well. Perhaps I do not know what is considered the norm here perhaps it was meant to be innocent but ended as a trigger for me.

But seeing the reaction of even a few other sensitive ones there, I do not find it amusing to get ones jollies off another human beings discomfort, especially those who did not volunteer to play the game or go in expecting to be humiliated.

And oh yeah, did I mention I could have had myself a date if I wanted to swing that way?

Signed,

The Party Pooper.

OK, 3 women have now told me that NO, this is not the norm. So I feel a little better. Thought maybe I was being paranoid. One thing for sure, I will never forget it! :O

2009-01-31T14:37:00.004-06:00

please,

anyone know what "shatter code" means?

Not about shatter the Darkness.

Have to know......please.

EDITED TO ADD:

I now know what it means. And someone very naughty was trying to freak me out, I should not have allowed that or fell for it.

It drained me.

I was drained to begin with. Suffered through a horrible baby shower until after midnight last night. I normally do not attend these things. Was rather shocking. Now I know.......next time a person brings out the blindfolds just say no!

Kicked in the Solar Plexus

2009-01-30T12:36:00.004-06:00

WHY? WHY?? WHY??????

I feel like both crying and screaming. Every time I get back up off the ground and cling to hope I am kicked in the seat of the soul again. That is what it feels like, like my soul is being shredded.

I have been so stressed out that I am the one who cut off all connections purposely, no phone, no net last week because I was tired of being triggered. I jump out of my skin every time the phone rings. I realized that was a mistake to isolate myself and I had everything redone again.

I was really freaked out by an interview, a person broke free but was punished in a big way. Something I doubt I could handle, they are stronger though than I am. But then I thought, if they can do it, I can do it. But it still bothers me, why would God allow that to happen to someone who broke free?

Something really bad just happened, it took on another form. I did not want to believe the damn crap about being punished again. Having bad dreams again........among other things. I was told yesterday to expect more punishment. Mocking me too, threatening as in...."Did you honestly believe it was going to get easier, that you can defy us without consequences?" I refused to believe it and got back up ready to fight.

I feel like I have just been stabbed several times, each time the knife twisting in deeper. I almost wish someone would just finish me off. My head hurts bad now too.

I feel that weird heavy feeling rolling over in waves again like two powerful magnets repelling each other but being forcibly held in place.

Feeling my soul picked up with each crashing wave as it is being beaten unmercifully against the rocks.

Now I have no choice, will be isolated and God knows what else. Does someone inside or out want me totally cut off? I trust no one around me either. I honestly do not know how long it will be before I am back.

I know God can fix anything, but does He?

I feel like I can't effing take this anymore. I remember what my little brother wrote before his body was found alone out in a wooded area, with his chest ripped open. I think he knew he would not see that many years. I loved him very much, but always had a sense of sadness around him spending a lot of time with him, sensing deep inside he would always be that little boy. He was a great artist, I understood him. The last thing he drew before he was murdered was a scene of misery, a person deep down in a pit looking up, an expression of total despair and horror on their face and the caption read...........

"My God........I've been left all alone in this pit of monsters!"

Jesus, I do not want to stay in this pit.

We were just Born this way.......

2009-01-29T20:14:00.008-06:00

I meant to post this a few weeks ago. A new movie is coming soon called "Push". The movie clip triggered me. They DO know who is gifted in the real world. And they DO know how to turn humans into weapons. And they ARE building their army.

This is not the same as the popular prime time shows such as Heroes. Though the movie "Push" is fiction the science is very real. The army they are building is much like what Russ Dizdar speaks on. The Black Awakening.

Funny how art imitates life. I have heard these word so many times. You don't ask to be special. we're just born that way.........

Russ Dizdar at Mind Control Conference

2009-01-26T15:27:00.006-06:00

I was irritated last year when this portion of the Mind Control conference from 2007 was removed from the web. Then I remembered, D'oh! I have a download myself! I converted it and put it back out there for anyone else who may want to see it.

I had a great HD looking version but had to play around with it again to get the sound right. Not as sharp, but no out of sync audio/visual for me, that BUGS me! Unless it is a spaghetti Western kung-fu comedy. The voice overs crack me up, even the ones that are supposed to be serious or scary. Like a spaghetti Western VAMPIRE kung-fu horror complete with flying chops! lol

Mind Control isn't funny though. Tired now, head hurts, must sleep.

On a Brighter Note.....

2009-01-21T11:31:00.007-06:00

I am disconnecting myself for a while. This is a strange time of the year for me and the nights are growing even stranger. A distressful time. And the nosebleeds are happening again.

Memories are bizarre now too. Sunday I thought it was Saturday. And I cannot believe today is Wednesday already. That dream I meant to post about? Half of it is gone. I was in a mil lab, the women wearing the long jacket laughed and said I would forget. I attempted to refute her assumption, her laughter irritated me, made me angry. I did send notes to someone though, hopefully enough notes were made to piece it all together while going inside myself. It had to do with chemical elements, a dream of alchemy.

I asked that all be shut off, I am getting a new service in a few weeks or less. can't quite remember the date. I need a new anonymous listing, an unlisted number. I am not sure if that will keep my information private but the weird calls are freaking me out. So far they only disconnected one part of my service, surprised I still can get on the web. I have to do this, the phone seems to be a trigger for me. Need more privacy.

Just had a thought, not sure what that will do to my email accounts. If I have to I will see if they can be switched over to another account.

The pictures below reminded me of my dreams, a beckoning and a gathering. But I do not wish to join the dance. Mother time is ticking.

I saw their faces last night in my dream, the faces of those who live in the shadows.

I found a picture last night of one who worked underground, one who manipulated me in my teen years, trying to remember the last name. Maybe being born between the worlds is what helped spare me in the past just as some of the splitting helped. Not everyone wants to help though, or fits into my definition of what form "help" should take. I am getting too discouraged. I wonder why this is taking so long?

Goodbye my friends, I wish to leave now on a happier note.

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears........

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you're walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always
will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears,
He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day

Totentanz

2009-01-20T20:12:00.004-06:00

Da gilt auch kein langes Besinnen...

Night Calls

2009-01-20T06:46:00.004-06:00

Ever feel restless? I have for days now. I sometimes feel I am a nocturnal creature. It is then that I feel the most alive. Even when dreaming.

I live in a great area, access to both city and mother nature. I love going outdoors at night, there truly is another world that the sleeping miss out on. They would probably be surprised to see all the wildlife that ventures out under the moon searching for a basic need. They are not afraid of me and neither am I afraid of them. Always wondered why wild animals come up to me but perhaps it is for that very reason, showing no fear. Now if I lived in an area where Grizzly bears were around, well....that would be another story! LOL Raccoons, possums, and coyotes are much smaller! I have always felt a connection to Mother Nature and the animal world. I was soo bonded with my furbaby, his death haunts me. I lost another 6 pounds last week, I could not eat a thing while he was sick.

Right now though, I feel a pulling on me. Not sure of the source, but have felt it for days now. And my third eye was acting up Sunday. Since I try to keep it closed it can get a bit uncomfortable at times. It is much better though than it was in the beginning. I know people who would do anything to open theirs. It is akin to second nature for me. Be careful for what you wish for.

I think many who experienced abuse as children are more sensitive than others. I was leaving the body at the age of three to escape and would call out to others in a way that I was too young to understand. Not everything out there is non human, Some were just like me, trying to find a secret safe hiding place.

But now...what is happening? I feel the night calling me. I hear my name.

2009-01-12T02:06:00.001-06:00

2009-01-10T19:14:00.001-06:00

Goodbye My Furry Angel

2009-01-10T16:19:00.006-06:00

Goodbye my precious furbaby. It hurts so bad but I'm glad you are no longer in pain. I will see you again one day at the rainbow bridge.

FLY

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud the whitest dove
Upon the wind of Heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, Fly Precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

by Jean-Jacques Golman & Phil Gladstone

Interview With Russ Dizdar on the Satanic

2008-12-30T19:12:00.007-06:00

I found this old Interview on the web, it is in written format. It appears to be about 3 years old. It was found on Zacherle Hoag's site, now under reconstruction, called The Perfectly Conspiranoid. haha, I like that!

I noticed people asking questions since the video promoting Russ Dizdar's The Black Awakening came out. They are asking......"What is the Black Awakening?" This is a good quick overview. Does not go into depth but it does give you an idea of what in the world others are talking about. I had forgotten all about this myself. I am going offline for a few daze but wanted it posted.

Here is a link to the Interview posted below.

Demonic Possession and Cult Crime

Russ Dizdar is the man behind the Shatter the Darkness ministry. Shatter the Darkness is a ministry dedicated to helping people who are victims of ritual abuse or mind control recover. Russ has courageously infiltrated and busted cults and has helped police forces learn more about cult crime. He has appeared on such radio shows and podcasts as The Power Hour, Channel Z, Peering Into Darkness Radio, From the Grassy Knoll, The Edge AM, New World Exposure, Frankly Speaking Radio, and The Byte Show/Wee Hour Radio.

Q: How did you get involved in the fight to put an end to cult crime?

When victims came for help. We listened to the stories and claims they made of the abusers. We began to track the stories they told us. This led us to the satanic crimes of adults...their meeting places, more details of the rituals they do and goals they have.

Q: How and why does someone become demonically possessed?

As babies/children in covens they receive dark spirits through the blood lines of their parents and the forced placements of the demons in/on them by coven people. They use rituals to call up the spirits to place and or they place them by transferring them one to another.
The primary way people get demons is through the 'doors' they open up to......light level stuff....occult games....deeper levels ...practicing occult arts. Demons can also come by deep anger and bitterness and cause an 'attachment'. Others get demons by calling on them and inviting them in.
Some people open up to demons by new age practices of channeling ...or healing powers that are not of the Holy Spirit.

Q: What is spiritual warfare?

It’s the back drop of all human existence. In the garden it all began as a spiritual war.........Israel had spiritual war......Jesus was born in the context of spiritual war.....and so on. Spiritual warfare is the battle that goes on in the heavenlies....demons verses angels....God verses Satan....... Satan’s attack on Christians......it is the war of satanic forces on the lost to keep them lost. It is satanic forces fighting against Christians and the Church. It is also God's war against evil...Satan. It is one of the main reasons for Jesus coming to help us...see 1John 3:8...

Q: What is the Black Awakening?

This is a term that many of the 'cult multiples… satanic chosen ones use to describe a time when they will be activated to unleash chaos and anarchy into the USA and other countries...... to cause collapse and pave the way for a 'new world order' and the rise of the antichrist.
There are over 4 million diagnosed cases of MPD/SRA......and 4+million more who are still out there. Someone has orchestrated this. There is a vast underground at work.
These satanic super soldiers as I call them are placed everywhere as sleepers waiting for the call. The secret power of lawlessness...and the great 'rebellion'(chaos-anarchy-coo) spoken about in 2 Thessalonians is directly connected to this event.

Q: How will the Black Awakening be carried out? Why and how will the Black Awakening happen?

The BA will be carried out by the hundreds of thousands of highly trained...programmed and demonized 'satanic chosen ones', who will be activated from their 'sleeper' status and released to carry out their pre-chosen tasks.
The BA will occur as the spiritual air is turning darker......it will happen when antichrist and his regime is ready to come to power. They must collapse the current powers that be so they can replace them.

Q: How does mind control tie into all of this?

Mind control is much more than the 'mind'. It is soul control. It is the total control and use of a human being for a pre-planned purpose. It is the mind and personal control of a person to do the desire, will and evil.....of those who created them.

Q: What are Chosen Ones?

'Chosen Ones 'is the term use by many of the programmed/mind controlled/demonized victims. They tell me it is their designation. Given them by the makers and handlers... or the heads of the group (satanic order). It means they are specially chosen by them and Satan to be and carry out a very important task.

Q: What is Project Monarch?

Some think it was a diversion.....to let out only fabricated information. Most tell me it was the carry over plan that began with the Nazis. They wanted an army of loyal super soldiers to help conquer the world. The monarch project is the OSS to CIA black underground project.......Monarch butterflies are an insect that have migrated to every content of the earth, thus the plan was to place these monarch satanic super soldiers in every part of the world, before they unleash them for chaos, death and anarchy.

Q: How does the mind control work?

It imposes the will and plans of another on the mind and life of a person who they have come to control.
It’s like hypnosis. The words and thoughts of another are controlling a person who is under trance....or mental programming.

Q: What are people under mind control made to due for their “masters”? (Please do not get to graphic Russ as this website is intended for people of all ages)

They are made to do things like ...keep tabs on a person....perform a ritual....sex.....harm.....kill...... Anything they want done under that form of mind control can be done.

Q: How does the healing come about for a victim of mind control and/or ritual abuse?

Awareness! First since no human was made for mind control and the abuse that comes with it......many of them break down and seek help.
It involves the process of a trusted worker who can help get rid of the demonic and bring them healing of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Q: How do the Nazis figure into things?

The Nazis were control by their beliefs in occult ideology and the Aryans.....a race of supermen/gods. Their beliefs that came from the demonic moved them to political and military ideology.....that demonic ideology moved them to destroy millions in the ovens of the camps.....to annihilate the Jews (Jews were a pig race to them). The Nazi doctors, scientists and the demonic combined to create a plan of making super soldiers out of the Aryans. The Aryans have the powers in the blood line... and was to be drawn out of the German people. They developed the demonic technology of splitting the human will program it and then demonize it. This process has gone on around the world for 60 years even though the war ended. The plan is larger and broader than most believe. From Germany to Russia, in France, Italy, all over Europe the USA and England....from South Africa the colony of Digadag in S. America..........the plan and agenda continues to this day. They have grown and seek to 'perfect' the creation of controlled human beings for world control.

Q: Do you believe the Nazi movement was rooted in the occult and if so why?

Yes. As you re-read the origins of the Nazis and where they got their beliefs systems......you see it comes from the roots and stems of the occult.
The hall of the dead at Himmler'castle.......the knowledge and embrace of the Aryans........a race of godmen with supernatural powers........this came from the Akashic records(demonic records or information.....and the spirits who 'revealed' the 'true' history of the human race to Madam Blavatsky.
As one occult historian says.....the first greatest proliferation of occult literature occurred in pre Nazi Germany and paved the way for the spirits!

The same historian says the 2nd greatest proliferation of dark occult literature was released in the 60's here in the USA....thus the demonizing of America!

Q: Do you believe that one of the Nazis that were brought over to America after World War II was Joseph Mengele and if so why?

Yes, there is now an abundance of materials on this and the Operation Paper Clip files tell us a part of the truth. Many survivors of mind control and satanic ritual abuse who are now in their late 40's and early 50' all tell of German speaking 'scientists' who led the way with US military trainers present. Most all the real 'satanic chosen ones have created personalities in them who speak fluent German and are pro Nazi.

Q: Is it true that many victims of ritual abuse have psychic powers such as remote viewing and if so why?

Yes, they all seem to have powers. A long history of the placement of the demons and the training ... for the drawing out the 'powers in the blood' of the chosen ones. They have done many rituals and received transferred down powers from others who were old and dying.

Q: How is the military complex involved in any of this?

The military leaders were unprepared and unable to discern the real demonic intent. We... the US were infiltrated with an occult ideology and embraced it as an idol of demonic technology for military superiority.
We, the US have sold our soul to the devils plan.........the devils plan was to give the 'secret' 'superior' military demonic/technology to Christ less/ Godless military and political dupes only to grab control of them in the end for his own evil purpose.

Q: Is the Vatican involved in any this and if so how?

The Vatican opened its doors to the Nazis and helped create the rat lines that led thousands of the worst Nazis out to safe places. Many of those Nazi’s put on the clothes of the priests and continued and dark plan. This included taking and abusing children in rituals to gain demonic powers of 'secrecy ' and ascendancy. There is a satanic underground in the Vatican..........which will back the coming antichrist and the false prophet that the Book of Revelation speaks about.

Q: Is the Mormon Church involved in any this and if so how?

All I know of the Mormon Church is that they have vast secrets....they deny the Deity of Christ and many remote viewers seem to have a background with them. Some 'chosen ones' tell me that the Mormon Church is infiltrated with sleepers.

Q: Many skeptics believe that victims of ritual abuse are experiencing false memory syndrome. Why do you disagree with this?

Yes I disagree. There are too many of them. We have tracked for 20+ years the stories of the victims ....which have historic reality.....the encounter with the demonic and the Healing of the inside personalities all demonstrated the reality of SRA/MPD/DID. Those most opposed to the reality of all this are tied into the perpetrator backing 'false memory syndrome foundation' which seeks to discredit abuse and memories of victims… The FMSF was founded with the help of two CIA mind control experts … Dr Orn and Dr. 'Jolly' West.......along with a child pedophile who was committed to the child sex group NAMBLA!
There is a lot of good science on the formation of memory now.
I have personally seen way too much to doubt the reality of the memories and stories of the victims.

Q: Could you tell us some of your stories as a cult buster?

We have helped victims, hid them from covens and handlers, engaged the demonic in verbal battles, staked out ritual sites, confiscated ritual robes tools etc., and received death threats and attempts. We have turned in perpetrators and involved law enforcement many times. We were permitted to teach in the UAPD police academy and assist in cult crime field work.
We have turned over evidence of a 'chose one' whose inner personality ritually murdered two teenage girls.

Q: A lot of people say that these shadowy cults are controlled by a reptilian bloodline possibly demonic or extraterrestrial in origin. Have you come by any evidence in your research and studies to prove this or at least believe make you believe this?

I believe that the shadowy cults… the ancient brotherhood...of the black flame etc....are rooted in the darkest and deepest of demonic powers. This involves bloodlines that may go back to the Nephilim of Genesis ch.6.
I believe that the powers behind the agenda are EDB's (Extra Dimensional Beings)... all of them in all of their forms are demonic.

Questions from readers:

From reader Baron Von Lotsov: One deprogramming method I was told about is like the short sharp shock method where you dislodge the programming by setting up a state of dissonance in the subject. For example you find two strongly held programmed beliefs that the subject clings to and you point out a logical contradiction between the two. In the subjects brain the two energies protecting those two beliefs will fight each other if you keep repeating the problem until the mind can't handle it anymore so the mind rejects the entire lot. It is supposed to be far more effective than the system prescribed methods involving long and drawn out counseling. Could you mention this to him and let me know what he thinks, cheers.

Thank you... wow very good, but this method is better used with those from the Moonies and cults like that, their form of mind control (totalism) is different than the victim of SRA/MPD/DID.
The programming instilled in the 'chosen ones' runs almost blindly since it was put in and re-enforced after a split of human personality.............then the programmed personality is demonized to enforce and ensure the 'doing' of the program.
Getting rid of the demonic power in and on the programming is first and vital.....then with the help of the Holy Spirit/Christ....in this 'power' encounter.....programming begins to break....in the next step of inner healing the programming is dismantled......

Q. From Molly Coddle: What does a victim of satanic abuse (child or adult) do to break free of the trauma based control?

Cry out to the real Jesus and seek to get trusted helpers who believe them.....recognize the voices in your head.....realize missing time.....choose to know and get help. They have to get away from those who handle and control them.

Q. How do you spot honey traps?

Seduction and Sex for information. The COG the children of god cult ....the girls were trained and expected to do gospel 'fishing"… lure men to the cult by offering sex. A Satanist who had 'war on the saints' tattooed on their left wrist would join a church and lure the youth away with sex......free sex is a high level tool for spies and Satanists in recruiting..........and deceiving people.

Q. How do you know when you are being "love bombed?"

Love bombing is used deeply by the Unification Church at meetings........when you feel they are controlling every move you make... even when you go to the bathroom. They consume you with talk and activity so that you cannot 'think'. The goal of this method is not to genuinely love you but it’s a METHOD to control your thinking......they don’t want you to think......you are smothered!

Q. And what is the trademark of an experienced ritual abuser?

The trademark of a known ritual abuser is their knowledge! And their secrecy!! They can be anything 'respectable in the public eye.
You may have met some at a church... an office....etc......they work in their circle of abusers (the coven).

Oh Come Emmanuel

2008-12-24T14:10:00.005-06:00

Trying harder. Cleaned up other post a bit. Can't say I am really sorry, but I am sure in a few days I will be. ETA: Guilt kicked in by the night of the 25th! LOL

This is a Kickin version of Oh Come Emmanuel. Crank up the speakers.! Gave me goosebumps.

The Black Awakening...Can You Feel it?

2008-12-23T12:51:00.006-06:00

''In this twilight of human history darkness burns its black flame. Soon it will all erupt and fear will fly as the bloodshed begins. The 'Black Awakening' will occur! For them, those who served this long cold secret it has to, its the only way to give the world a desperate reason. A willing but painful reason for the need of a new world order and of a leader who will rule with a power that only the ancients felt.'' (c)

The coming book THE BLACK AWAKENING reveals this and so much more.

Dark Reflection, Am I?

2008-12-23T10:32:00.010-06:00

Trying to fake happy thoughts, not working out now. No Holiday spirit, Thinking, am I a stumbling block ....what am I? Sometimes I do not see myself in the mirror, the eyes staring back I do not recognize as mine. I hate seeing that, don't want to look. What in the hell did they do to us?

They have found the key. I see it now in alchemical dreams. Coded, mapped, it's in our blood, our DNA. As someone who has been there, still fighting once commented here, "The Power is in our Blood, our DNA. We are from the Mighty Men of old".

They really have found a way to unlock it.

Someone on the Military side, a bit younger, told me, "Your are our Puppets, to work through and use". The ******* nightmare did not end for me like I had hoped. Clever bastards. Not sure, maybe isolation is better. Can't stop writing, dreaming, or "seeing". And yes, morbid thoughts.

Morbus Daemonicus,
it's their blind obsession,
From Black flame of Darkness
our planned pre-conception

Morbus Daemonicus
It's not quite possession
Descent of godmen monstrous
The Moon Child is Chosen

Morbus Daemonicus
Reveals Unholy Revelation
Oh Mother of Darkness
Sign now the Bowman

Oh Despised Morbus deus
Am I evil? asks mirrored reflection
Ancient Blood calls, it beckons
Of The Old Ones...demonic deception

Don't want to be here
With Darkness Increased
Don't want a part here
Bloody Feast of the Beast

The Old Ones......they are waiting

From Bro. Thomas: Saints vs. Warlocks . . . get a clue.

2008-12-13T19:41:00.008-06:00

This came from The Blog of Brother Thomas. I have read his writings for over three years now and find them interesting. He has interviewed with quite a few people including Zeph. The first time I heard him I was blown away. Very rarely does one hear of another who remembers their infancy and the night visitors.

Relatives once saw me lifted out of my crib, by these 'beings". I frightened them all.......the haunted baby. As a child I called my nocturnal visitors the shiny people, they were beautiful and clothed in light. They gave me a new name. Their mode of communication was through telepathy. The Shining Ones, Evil or good? I do not know. More than likely the former, not the latter. I believe they know who is gifted and who is not from birth, and can spot them from far away. Perhaps they want to get to us before others do?

I have been told that Christians are not supposed to see into the spirit world, yet I "see". I have asked God to please take away what does not come from him. Yet I still "see".

Sometimes this frustrates me and I am filled with thoughts of..."What is the point of "seeing", what good does it do?" and "Some Christians think I'm a witch because I see the spirit world. Why can't I stop it?"

The Writings of Brother Thomas found below comforting to me in a way. And I have been sidetracked and gone into another time line, or track, when in that realm myself! Not saying I am some kind of seer or anything, just that maybe I'm meant to experince these things and perhaps one day I will know the reason.

The dream state has been quite . . . er, strange, epic, sometimes disturbing, visceral, and downright intense lately . . . .

My humble take on it . . . is that a lot of *things* seem to have been loosed on the astral, spiritual planes . . . . “the airs” so to speak . . . .

I have no doubt about it myself. Combined with numerous and varied assaults and interactions with diverse beings and things . . . in that state . . . are also high level spiritual contacts, probably angelic interventions, and I don’t doubt myself, also protection, guidance by Holy Spirit . . . and maybe even the Lord and God Himself . . . . . It all seems to me like quite jumble going on there, in that realm . . . and my own observation, opinion, is that there is always a lot going on “in the airs” . . even during the waking state . . . and the difference between some people and others is simply how sensitive you are to it . . . .

Occultists know there is all this activity going on . . . entities to contact, if they want . . . and so, they spend time and ritual developing skills in that area.

Saints, on the other hand, do not seek powers or contacts from that jumbled realm, but sometimes, Holy Spirit, at God’s direction, will bring them news or information or maybe even a contact, if it suits the will of the Sovereign, and so, you may see saints, prophets etc., exhibiting similar “powers” or abilities as occultists, only the purpose is completely different–the GENESIS of the power, whether derived from a selfish pursuit (as in occultists) or it is wrought because there is something an angel or God Himself wants the saint or prophet to see or do, and so, allows Sight, powers . . . miracles . . . to occur.

One who is humbly and wholly submitted to the will of God can and will do things that witches and warlocks try and sometimes do . . . but the source and purpose of the ability is entirely different. The saint or prophet or holy man or holy woman often feels burdened . . . and does not want to use such power . . . avoids it if possible . . . thrills and delights at being weak, gentle, humble, meek, nothing . . . so that the power of God can fill them up fully and so that there is nothing of fallen self there . . . . They abhor self interest, self power, self charisma, attention to ego . . . . . . but delight in doing secret good acts, denying self, dying to self . . . . being empty . . . so that Christ’s spirit, God’s spirit, Holy Spirit can fully indwell.

But sometimes, they are called to act, and to refuse would be then putting their discomfort above God’s will, and so, you get a Moses, who must do what is asked, even though it may look like divination, magic, occult . . . . . Same with all the other prophets and holy people who must do what God asks, as they are submitted to His will. Like Jesus, when they perform miracles or appear to have special abilities, they are often accused of using witchcraft . . . using the power of demons . . . and so, it is again another sacrifice for them to simply be doing what God requires at a given moment . . . . . .

Anyhow . . . . there is a raging world, astral, spiritual, beyond the immediate physical senses . . . and some people, just as they might have good physical eyes, while others have poor vision . . . or some people run fast . . . some slow . . . some can lift heavy weight . . . others are flexible . . . so too are there simply similar variations regarding different peoples’ abilities to hear and see in the finer realms. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you are an “occultist”, a “witch” etc. Though people who CAN’T are often suspicious and jealous and will immediately and ignorantly accuse sensitive people of being such.

It is really nothing more than having different perceptive abilities, just like hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing . . . .

Many people in this overly materialistic age are just too deadened to the inner life to believe or know of these other realities. And it scares them, because they are so ignorant of it. And so they knee-jerk attack those who CAN hear and see a bit into the finer airs.

The difference between a “witch” ie., and a saint with abilities . . . is the intention, the purpose related to the abilities. A saint does not seek out these things. They come. God will show them something. Is that occult? To the materialistic, unimaginative, earth bound animal mind.. yes. Everything they don’t understand is “occult” and they just run away shouting, or try to get a mob together to “hang the witch”.

But then, what do we do with the prophets who saw into the future? The foolish and jealous people called them witches, warlocks. Yet, these were God’s prophets! What do we do with the countless saints, men and women of God, wholly given to God and Holy Spirit who are able to HEAL, raise the dead, receive warnings about future events, recognize illness within bodies . . . .

Is that all occult? Then throw out your bible. The bible is full of stories of the “supernatural”, done by God’s people, at God’s behest.

The difference between the works of evil and of good, is not whether something is “supernatural” or not . . . but WHO IS THE INSPIRING FORCE, PERSONALITY. Does the impetus come from fallen self? From the demonic? From the devil? …. then such pursuits and acts are evil.

But if God brings you intuition on something . . . if He urges you to heal . . . to predict . . . to prepare (like Noah) . . . to raise the dead . . . produce manna . . . produce water from rock . . . wine from water . . . walk on water . . . . IF GOD IS BEHIND THESE ACTS AND THE SOURCE OF THEIR IMPETUS . . . . then, foolish generation . . . don’t call it occult! It is an insult to God and bordering, if not directly a blaspheming of the Holy Spirit.

The problem is, most people are so spiritually underdeveloped themselves . . . such babes . . . so ignorant of things . . . so blind . . . that they are intimidated by the very topics of this discussion, and so, like back-woods superstitionists . . . just close their eyes, run away shouting “witch”, “occult”, “warlock” . . . . looking for fellow village idiots . . . to run, hurry and kill the “offender” in a big bonfire. As often as not, or at least many times, it is a saint or a man or woman of God who is killed, martyred because of the lack of intelligence of the mob and its goonish heads.

Well, I meant to talk about my strange and pertinent dreams last night . . . One involving a giant planet swerving hugely in the sky . . . filling up the whole sky as it neared . . . . and then the jolt that followed . . . . and then something like a pole shift . . . huge tidal waves . . . and then . . . oddly . . . a shift to whole different timeline . . . . . BUT, I got sidetracked . . . . lol . . . . .

Oh, people of God . . . of the Word . . . don’t perish for lack of knowledge . . . . BE WISE . . . wise as the serpents though gentle, gentle as the lamb, as the dove, as our Lord . . . . . But stop attacking the wrong people you village idiots. Stop parading around your ignorance, claiming it is “the word”, driven by fuzzy-headed dogma, according to your OWN interpretations . . . according to your OWN limitations . . . attacking all who are different . . . just because you don’t understand some of the deeper things–haven’t caught a few of the mysteries . . . WHICH MYSTERIES AND DEEPER THINGS GOD WILL SHOW HIS OWN, WHEN HE CHOOSES . . . . . and always has.

Read your bible. It’s all in there.

have a nice day, God sustains your every breath and you owe Him everything.

brother thomas

St Patrick's Lorica

2008-12-12T02:35:00.004-06:00

I'm reposting this prayer, could really use it. I knew something was wrong the other night and I had visions I wanted to ignore, they came true. I was so depressed that I felt like giving upm as if it was useless to fight them. I hate punishment. I was given another chance to go back and declined.

A very bad scary thing happened yesterday, like in my visions. Luckily a couple of officers helped me, it could have been much worse. I do not want to go into it, still feeling shaky.

I let the feelings get to me. I do not want to give up, I will not lay there alike a dog nd let it happen. I pray for protection.

Fáed Fíada in Gaelic, or Deer's cry. There is a beautiful legend behind it. St. Patrick was a wanted man in Ireland for the local Druids did not want to lose control and St Patrick was set to Confront the High King of Tara with plans to win him......a Christian conversion. Well the Druids plotted and conspired together to lay a trap for him. St. Patrick heard about their plans but it did not stop him. He fasted and prayed and while traveling though the area where they were said to be waiting he recited this prayer. He made it safely to the King.

The Druids never saw St. Patrick. While he and the other monks were passing through all they reported seeing was a doe followed by twenty fawns.

The Breastplate of St. Patrick

I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the
Trinity, through belief in the Threeness, through confession
of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.

I arise today through the strength of Christ with His Baptism,
through the strength of His Crucifixion with His Burial
through the strength of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
through the strength of His descent for the Judgment of Doom.

I arise today through the strength of the love of Cherubim
in obedience of Angels, in the service of the Archangels,
in hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
in prayers of Patriarchs, in predictions of Prophets,
in preachings of Apostles, in faiths of Confessors,
in innocence of Holy Virgins, in deeds of righteous men.

I arise today, through the strength of Heaven:
light of Sun, brilliance of Moon, splendour of Fire,
speed of Lightning, swiftness of Wind, depth of Sea,
stability of Earth, firmness of Rock.

I arise today, through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me, God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me, God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me, God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me, God's shield to protect me,
God's host to secure me:
against snares of devils, against temptations of vices,
against inclinations of nature, against everyone who
shall wish me ill, afar and anear, alone and in a crowd.

I summon today all these powers between me (and these evils):
against every cruel and merciless power that may oppose my body and my soul,
against incantations of false prophets,
against black laws of heathenry,
against false laws of heretics, against craft of idolatry,
against spells of women [any witch] and smiths and wizards,
against every knowledge that endangers man's body and soul.
Christ to protect me today
against poison, against burning, against drowning,
against wounding, so that there may come abundance of reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right,
Christ on my left, Christ in breadth, Christ in length,
Christ in height, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today through a mighty strength, the invocation of the
Trinity, through belief in the Threeness, through confession of the
Oneness of the Creator of creation.
Salvation is of the Lord. Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of Christ. May Thy Salvation, O Lord, be ever with us.

2008-12-11T01:28:00.000-06:00

2008-12-10T20:20:00.002-06:00

I want to die. All these things, why didn't god just let me die. tired

had enough, enough

fuck it

BRAVE NEW WORLD

2008-11-21T10:45:00.005-06:00

This recent podcast came at the perfect timing. I am glad I did not listen the day it came out though. It would not have been received in my heart as well.

Lots of things happening now. Need to sort through them before I share. And I truly think someone has compromised my accounts. I cannot even get into my other email right now. And the dreams, oh my God the dreams.

I have asked God to help me deal with the hate. To chose to let go of the hatred is not weakness as I was taught. It is just that the hatred holds us back and darkens the soul.

Letting go of anger and forgiving does not mean rolling over like a dog or be coming a doormat either, God did not create a dummy. Intelligence is one thing I can be thankful for in regards to my parents. I inherited the "smart" gene.

There is a right kind of anger, there is nothing wrong with being angry at evil, I hate what was done to me, I HATE the evil. However I do not need to feed the hatred inside in a destructive manner.

This podcast has to do with forgiveness.

Hard to explain, just listen. PODCAST

WE ARE CLEARLY IN THE THROES OF MASSIVE CHANGES, AND THIS PRESENTS A KIND OF YEAR ZERO. RE-BEGINNING IN JESUS--APOCALYPTIC TIMES ARE UPON US, AS HUMANITY REAPS WHAT HAS BEEN SOWN.

2008-11-16T20:42:00.005-06:00

Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt
Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt